


The Light Rises

by MadameSpaceSkunk



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Action/Adventure, Beautiful and Silly, Ben Solo is Past Therapy, Brutal Murder, Canon Compliant, Childhood Trauma, Clueless Rey, Everyone Needs Therapy, F/M, Falling In Love, Finn Discovering There's More Than Heterosexuality, Gravity is a Bitch, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Heroes, Jealous Kylo Ren, Kylo Ren Has Issues, M/M, Murderous Kylo Ren, Near Death Experiences, On the Run, Plot, Poe Dameron Hurts So Prettily, Sarcastic Poe, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Space is Beautiful, Strong as Fuck Rey, The Resistance is in Bad Shape, Undercover, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, War is a Bitch
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-26
Updated: 2018-02-13
Packaged: 2019-03-09 15:32:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 28,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13484472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadameSpaceSkunk/pseuds/MadameSpaceSkunk
Summary: When he woke up, his first thought was that he was being crushed by something, something moving on his lap. His whole body ached. He reached out to push the thing off him and opened his eyes. There was hair, brown hair in front of him. Around it, a cockpit. He was in an X-Wing. In an X-wing with someone else.His eyes widened. "No, no, no, no, no...""I'm sorry, it was the only way! Hold on!"Rey.He was shoved hard to the right, then to the left, a bright flare flying past them. She was dodging fire. Dodging fire, her face almost flat on the windshield! There was no way she had easy access to all the commands!"No, no, no, no…"Okay, if that doesn't make you wanna give my fic a try, I don't know what will. Please leave comments and/or kudos; they're the reason why I keep writing. ♥





	1. Sleep

**_The Light Rises_ **

**by S.R.M.D aka SpaceSkunk  
**

 

* * *

  **Chapter 1: _Sleep_**

* * *

All was quiet apart from the lulling sounds of the legendary Falcon ripping through space.

Thirty minutes or so after their escape from Crait however, just as the adrenaline and exhilaration of being alive began to fall and exhaustion started to kick in, the sounds produced by the ancient engine had been anything but soothing.

* * *

Everyone jumped at a very loud clunk, then froze, dead silent, when it was followed by a chilling hiss that lasted five agonizing seconds. What followed must have happened in three: Rey, Poe and Chewbacca all made a sudden dash towards a little square grille right above Lieutenant Connix. Rey was the quickest to rush below it but not tall enough to reach it, and, without warning, as she abruptly climbed on Connix's lap, Chewbacca pushed her out of the way, opened the grille and tore out a wire, causing the ship to fall back into her normal lulling sounds, and Rey and Connix to fall right onto a rushing Poe.

The pilot took such a blow he was actually knocked out cold for a minute – Rey's elbow having collided with his right cheek – and was buried under the two gasping women. The sight almost made Leia laugh; but it was no time for good humor. The old ship was barely functional, worn out by the last battle as they all were. It needed repairs just as they needed rest. They needed bacta for the wounded. They needed food, fuel and shelter.

They needed help, but nobody had answered them.

She had given them a simple plan: continue to try and find that help, or else get it by force. She had entered the coordinates to a small planet 17 hours away, that not even Chewbacca had ever heard of. The name was hardly pronounceable in basic, having too many consonants, so they'd nicknamed it Gôhn, a shorter, simpler version of its actual name. Were help refused there, they would steal sufficient fuel and supply to reach another system, then start again. She was confident new allies would eventually reach them.

During an eerily restricted report session, each of them had briefly explained what they'd experienced whilst separated – although Rey and Finn had both omitted significant parts regarding their respective new _relationships_. Leia had then broadcast an open transmission to every reachable system. The news of Snoke's death in the hands of his apprentice would buy them time, causing turmoil in the First Order's chain of command. The tale of Luke Skywalker's return and humiliating deception of Kylo Ren, the report of Admiral Holdo's brave and spectacular sacrifice, of her own supernatural survival through the void of space, the stories of Paige Tico and so many others' heroic acts, and last but not least, the news of the legendary Luke Skywalker having a powerful apprentice; all those stories would advertize their power, send shockwaves of hope across the galaxy, revive rebellious spirits, galvanize potential allies who were currently hesitating. She, of course, omitted their ridiculous headcount, Luke's death and despair in his final years, her protégé's mistakes and the failed mutiny, the split lightsaber, and her state.

Her state… Using the Force had drained her more than she let on. She still had hope and she had ideas, lots of ideas, but she felt weary, alarmingly so. She carefully masked a strange, growing sense of completion with true exhaustion and need for recovery, but her heart ached in a way she had tried to contain since sensing Luke's passing.

And Ben's rage. Again.

Losing her son, losing Luke, losing Han, then losing Luke again.

Losing her son, constantly, but never truly. Luke's words echoed in her mind. _No one is ever really gone_.

 _I am tired_ , she simply thought. She accepted help from Connix who escorted her to one of the two triple bunk rooms of the Falcon.

Han was everywhere.

* * *

For the next two hours after the little technical problem that could have ended the Resistance in a millisecond, Rey, Poe, Chewbacca and two other mechanics worked on keeping them all alive until Gôhn. Every time Poe had to say that name, a huge yawn escaped his mouth. All of the others were sleeping, or trying to. Rest had to wait for those skilled enough to scan the ship for any malfunction; there were five of them left and conscious. They split up, each going to a specific area for a thorough examination.

In total, they were twenty-eight survivors. Twenty-eight survivors in a single old, dysfunctional ship... Against how many? The thought was staggering. But they had to keep going. They had to hope.

After having checked all recesses of that "magnificent piece of history", as Poe had called it, they finally stopped to get some rest.

Rey accepted the bunk above Leia's from a young, clearly smitten communication officer, and disappeared, completely oblivious to his crush. Poe, however, refused to take a bunk out of the seven the ship held, and let an exhausted fighter take it instead. Earlier, he'd also refused to sit down and recover from the blow. It had led him to check on worn wires in tiny, deep hollows of the maintenance crawlway, a flashlight in his left hand and a ball of torn fabric wrapped around some synthice in his right, pressed against his cheek. For _two hours_. He now positively looked like a wreck. It took a long, murderous stare from Kalonia for him to yield.

Sleep… Stopping to get some sleep seemed as reachable a goal as flying straight to Kylo Ren and giving him a big, warm hug to sway him back to the Light. Poe sat down on the floor in the lounge space across from Finn and Rose, and his eyes looked like they couldn't see anything, his face blank from exhaustion, his mind too overwrought to sleep.

Chewbacca, needing less rest than them, was flying the ship, although there wasn't much to do as they were steadily cutting through space at light speed. He was lazily keeping himself alert, along with a few other Resistance members on watch in other quarters.

His back against a bulkhead, his head resting on his folded leather jacket and the pain in his swollen cheek now a faint ache, Poe thought about Leia. He didn't worry for her; she was stronger than he could ever be. She was his rock; their hope, their leader. Knowing they were still in her hands was the only thought that calmed him, aside from his faith in the Force.

He thought about Luke. When he'd rushed up to Leia immediately after the Falcon had taken off to ask her what had happened between him and Kylo Ren, he hadn't even spoken a word when he'd understood from the look on her face. A small smile on her lips, eyes sparkling, she had shaken her head ever so slightly. He wondered how he could have both felt shocked and not surprised at the same time. Which one had he really been? He had later learned during their rushed report session that Luke had not actually been killed by the enemy. He'd listened in awe at Leia's explanation. Then again, he had felt wonder and relief, but not real surprise.

The awe he had felt upon seeing him… It had grounded him. Like a weird sort of closure. Luke Skywalker. He had dreamed of him all his life. A direct, living proof of the Force. A validation of his faith. He remembered all the fleeting thoughts he'd had when he'd watched him slowly walk to the enemy. An image of his Tree - the gift Luke had given to his parents – and of his childhood home, had come up to his mind, and then he had felt the presence of his mother, whatever that meant and however crazy it seemed.

Poe felt her ring against his chest and closed his eyes. He saw Holdo's large, ravishing eyes, the transports exploding, and then his squadron. Black Squadron.

_Don't dwell on the passing of others to the eternal Light. Move on. Fight on._

His father's words resonated every time new loss fell upon him. Grief had always bounced back upon his deep faith in the Force, and he had always laughed at death, because that's what a pilot does and a squadron leader has to do. Or was it because he was constantly grieving? It was routine, the pain. It was part of him. It had been since his mother's death.

But this time, his father's words didn't soothe him.

It had happened so quickly. Jakku. Torture. Starkiller Base. D'Qar exploding. The bombers. Holdo.

Black Squadron, his friends...

He tried to fight back against gut-wrenching grief and shame and self-loathing. He had failed them. He had been wrong, so wrong. He felt the dizziness of those who have to violently grow up. Sleep couldn't come.

He slowly blinked. His eyes were drawn to Finn, sleeping on the floor next to Rose still unconscious on a bunk. He stared at his beauty, through the fog of his dazed, romantic mind, distantly taking in the fact that he wouldn't be the one showing him what love is. Deep down, he had kind of already known ever since Finn had asked for Rey, barely paying any attention to him. For a second, he felt like crying, then laughed internally at himself, repeating for what seemed like the hundredth time: _This is war, he's just a kid, and you've just met him! Kriff, get a grip, Dameron!_ He watched Rose, then Finn, then Rose, then Finn again, and a small, sad, but genuine smile lit up his kind eyes, although not without a little frown of confusion. He had thought Finn would end up with Rey. Hell, he was too damn tired to make any more guesses. _Come on, sleep, softy_ , he pictured Jessika Pava telling him.

 _We're one with the Force now, way cooler than you ever were. See, in the end, I beat your sexy ass in awesomeness, Commander!_ The Jess in his mind winked. _I second that_ , Snap would've added in a serious tone, making Karé laugh. Sarcasm mixed with true kindness. He would miss them all so very much.

Out of the corner of his right eye, he suddenly felt eyes on him. Too tired to even turn his head, his eyes looked back at Rey and she immediately looked away, as if caught prying upon his privacy. When had she come in? As sudden as a blaster shot, fear shot up his spine. He swallowed it as best as he could. The fact dawned on him, that _she_ could do it just as _he_ had done it to him. He looked back to see her watching him again, but this time she didn't look away.

Guilt, sadness, confusion.

Concern, understanding, _kindness_.

Poe swiftly relaxed, holding her gaze. He attempted to smile but couldn't tell if he actually did. She smiled back and mouthed _"Sleep_." Poe tried to think of something sarcastic to respond to that, but nothing came out.

When he woke up, Rey was sleeping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I first posted this story on another fanfiction website, just because I couldn't create an AO3 account right away. I'll now update new chapters here first, and regularly so (once or several times a week). Please comment. This is my first time writing anything, and I'm about as insecure as Poe in chapter 4, so...


	2. Poe Dameron

* * *

Unconsciously, she had reached out.

She had not been able to sleep on the bunk, so had come back to the lounge space of the Falcon unnoticed and sat down on the floor without a sound, only then noticing she was not the only one awake. Poe Dameron, his right cheek still red and puffy, had seemed hardly aware of his surroundings.

In a spark, she had been washed with a wave of emotions from him so intense and diverse that it had left her not been able to look away. And then he'd seen her, his dark eyes slapping her back into the physical world.

Fear.

 _I'm sorry, I didn't mean to_ , she had thought but had not been able to utter. He had quickly relaxed, and then, mere moments after an awkward little "sleep!" had escaped her mouth, he'd been gone.

Now, here was the Resistance pilot who had brought Finn to her, drooling on his shirt. She smiled. BB8's master. He must truly be kind-hearted, to have programmed this little gem of a droid like that. She had seen it in his eyes, kindness. _In Ben's eyes too,_ her memory jolted in. She blinked, putting the pilot back into her focus. _And one hell of a pilot!_ Finn's voice echoed in her mind. He had been so enthusiastic and so sad, when he had described Poe Dameron to her after they had escaped from Jakku. They had thought he was dead. It seemed like a year ago, but it was only a few days. She shivered. She suddenly wished she was back on Jakku, in her bed, still waiting, still _no one_. She felt dizzy. She unexpectedly thought of her little pilot doll, probably still home on its little shelf. _No,_ she corrected herself _,_ _ **this**_ _is home._ _ **They**_ _are home_.

She turned her head and looked down at Finn, his chest slowly moving. He was so much like her, new to all this; no family, not much experience with... _friends_. She liked his warm hugs, like the rain falling on her fingers and the smell of wet grass and earth filling her lungs. She smiled again. He loved her. Love was new and strange and wonderful. She looked at Rose. He must love her too. Rose, who had saved Finn's life. _I will love her too_ , and her smile did not fade. _Friends._ _ **They**_ _are my real family_.

A pang of lingering heart-break cut through her heart nonetheless. Ben's words; she knew they were true. Her parents never loved her. Did they? How could they have done this to her? She had been nothing to them. Could she ever recover from that truth?

_You're nothing._

She closed her eyes.

 _But not to_ _ **them**_ , she imagined herself snapping back at him with resolve.

Hearing a soft sound, she opened her eyes to see Poe's jacket slowly falling from behind his head onto the floor. He was breathing loudly and evenly, his head dangling on his right shoulder, his mouth agape, the drool stain on his shirt growing by the minute. She smiled again, and wondered why she still found his appearance pleasing even in such a state. She remembered his words earlier and the admiration, recognition and gratitude in his eyes. She felt a weird desire to smell his scent again. Earlier, for a fleeting instant, when she had struggled to get back on her feet after the little incident, his singular sort of leathery, earthy, salty scent had reached her.

 _I know_.

Of course he knew who she was, they all did now. But there was more to that. They recognized her worth and _admired_ her. It made her heart flutter. She was their beacon of hope now.

Her smile vanished. She thought of the broken lightsaber in her satchel and of how lost she truly was. _No, I will not disappoint them_. She quietly stood up and picked up one of the ancient books she had stolen from Luke, and began reading. Within ten minutes, she was sleeping.

* * *

Finn woke up to the sounds of soft footsteps next to him. He sat up in a panic and saw Kalonia's legs, then reassuring face, a finger against her lips. She was applying something on Rose's upper chest. His ears adjusted to the sound of hyperspace travel; the Millenium Falcon. For a second he had thought that he was still on Starkiller Base, just like every time he had woken up ever since his escape. He lay back down, only to hear a tiny, pathetic little cry on his right, turn his head towards it and sit up again immediately.

_What in the kriffing hell was that thing?_

"They're from Ahch-To. The Falcon's _infested_ ", Kalonia whispered, insisting on the last word with mock gravity.

He turned and looked at it again, incredulous. The weird bird was positively staring at him, with large, glassy eyes. Half-repulsed, half-intrigued, he blindly grabbed the first object he could reach – one of Rose's boots – and carefully proceeded to push it away. As it was pushed to the side, the thing still didn't look away. Finn was sure he would have nightmares about this.

"Shoo! Go away!", he whispered.

"Wheerp", the porg answered sadly.

It clumsily turned and walked back into what looked like an improvised nest, where more of its kind were waiting, all of them staring at him. _Infested_. Finn shuddered. How had he not noticed them before?

"They're not… intelligent beings, are they?", he breathed.

"It depends on what your definition of intelligent being is", Kalonia said, clearly amused.

He looked away, wiggling his head in an attempt to clear his mind, when he spotted Rey, sound asleep, a big old book in her lap. Poe was right there too, curled up on the floor, his jacket on him like a small blanket. He relaxed. When Kalonia was done, he stood up, then kneeled and took Rose's hand in his, staring at his new friend.

He was so confused; a million thoughts seemed to dance in his brain, making no sense at all. He couldn't believe he was still alive. He couldn't believe what he'd seen, where he was and who he was with. A few days ago, having a real friend and getting to see their face for more than a few fleeting moments had been part of his collection of impossible dreams. He had lived through the last few days in an exhilarating state, jumping from new places to other new places and interacting with people as in a dream, bouncing to the next task with the ardor of a man whose heart, body and mind had just been freed. There had been no time for reflective pauses, and now that that time had come, he simultaneously felt like shouting, laughing and bursting into tears.

He wanted to take Rey in his arms and spin her around. He wanted to hug Poe as hard as he could and ruffle his hair. He wanted to lift Rose up by her little shoulders and give her a thousand of the same weird little lip touch she had given him and which had left him wondering what the heck was going on. After some serious thought, he had come to the conclusion that that meant he was Rose's boyfriend now, since their lips had touched and she had told him he was part of people she loved. There had to be some protocol he didn't know about. Perhaps she now expected them to mate? But they could not possibly conceive a baby right now! It was far too dangerous a time for Resistance babies. He pictured himself with an infant in his arms, and suddenly felt sick.

_Is this how drinking alcohol feels like?_

He turned away from Rose and sat down, Poe right in front of him.

Is that...

 _Oh no_.

He jumped to his feet and rushed to his friend, kneeled down, stretched out his hands towards Poe's face, then stopped, not knowing what to do. After a moment, he decided upon trying to gently push Poe on his back without waking him up. That would stop the drooling. _Kriff, that is a lot of drool_.

"Let him drool. And get more sleep!"

He looked up at Kalonia, then back at Poe. _Maybe drooling is considered normal here._ He felt so foreign.

Back on Starkiller Base, drooling and wetting oneself were more or less equivalent. There would be no hope of regaining one's honor after such a shameful loss of control. Every one of them always slept on their back to avoid any such _leaking_. Apart from eating, all bodily functions were kept carefully hidden, just like their entire bodies during the day, literally.

Resolutely lying on his side, mirroring Poe, Finn couldn't get back to sleep. Frowning, he was still watching the little puddle below Poe's chin, and the thin trail of saliva coming from his mouth. He was itching to do something about it and felt like a traitor for not doing anything, as if Poe's very life depended on him. But Kalonia was staring at him. She suddenly stood up from her seat, then, a tissue in her hand, leaned down and wiped the little poodle out.

"Feeling better now?"

There was no humor in her tone now, as if she had understood. Finn nodded.

But Poe was still drooling.

He flipped over on his left side and closed his eyes. He thought about Poe's jacket around him to distract himself from his own anxiety. _His_ jacket now. That piece of leather, how it felt around him, how it smelled, seemed to be one with his new designation - no, his _name -_ as though if he lost it, he would lose his new identity with it.

Poe was a good friend. He liked it when he called him buddy. It made him feel normal, and he could almost fake normality. He felt like a holovid actor, in costume and in character; _The Adventures of Finn_. There was no damsel in distress, though. Rey had made that perfectly clear from the moment they had met. He smiled at the memory. Rose had nothing of a holovid heroin's fragile nature either. Normal women were definitely not what he had thought them to be. So how did love work? Back to square one. He abruptly remembered a scene in one of the only two holovids he had ever seen, hidden in a closet on an obscure market planet. A princess, waiting for her lover to come back, sewing a blanket for the bed they'd share; her pink cheeks and soft, shy voice just before they had pressed their lips together, after she had finally presented the finished blanket to him at the end of the story.

Finn's eyes fluttered open, widening. Poe's pink face and soft eyes, explaining how he had stitched his jacket while waiting for him to wake up, his voice tender and higher than usual... _Finn! It's so good to see you!_ Normal life was nothing like a holovid.

It was crazier.


	3. Next in Command

* * *

They were seven hours away from Gôhn when a transmission was received. Chewbacca woke Poe up, who then immediately left the lounge space to inform Leia, not even glancing at Finn who was awake and carefully avoiding looking at him, nor at Rey who was sleeping with a frown on her face.

When Poe reached Leia's bunk and gently caressed her shoulder to wake her up, she didn't respond. He tenderly turned her over and called out her name. Her eyes were closed; she looked peaceful.

He didn't hear any breathing.

His heart abruptly thumping, he raised his voice. Nothing. He started to tremble. He grabbed her left wrist. She was cold, but not rigid. He took her pulse. He didn't find it. He tried again.

There was no pulse.

The world fell silent; he was deafened.

She looked asleep.

Someone pushed him back. Distant shouts.

 _No. Not now_.

He couldn't speak.

He couldn't look away from Leia's face as a young fighter tried to revive her. Then Kalonia came in and examined her too quickly. She didn't do anything. He searched the medic's eyes and for the first time in the fourteen years he had known her, he saw fear in them. He looked back at Leia. He was been stared at; people were waiting for him to say something, to react, to give orders, but he didn't look away from Leia. He couldn't.

He couldn't speak.

Kalonia said something and suddenly he was alone in the small triple bunk space.

Alone with Leia's body.

His face was wet.

* * *

Rey woke up with a faint gasp. Flashes of Ben's soft eyes, Snoke's body falling with a thud and, oddly, Leia's content smile were the only remnants of her nightmare.

There were shouts. She sat up, like a fox detecting danger, and bolted towards them, only to bump into an old man in tears.

She understood then.

Leia.

_No. Not now._

The news spread like fire. In an instant, the tight passageway was crowded. Everyone was gasping or crying. The loss was shattering. She felt an over-powering need to be held by Finn. She barely had time to turn on her heels when she was engulfed in his arms. After a moment, he spoke.

"I'm here. It's gonna be okay."

It was only then that Rey burst into tears.

* * *

Alone in bed, her son felt it.

He didn't have any visible reaction. It was like a cold wave washing over his heart, but his heart was already cold. He blinked and gulped, and that was it; at least he tried to convince himself.

He turned on his side. There was an odd relief too. He would never have to do it himself.

_You're a monster._

He couldn't shake Rey out, her words, the look on her face when she had shut him away.

 _You're still holding on!_ _Let go!,_ he repeated to himself for the thousandth time.

No matter how many times he tried, he couldn't. Never completely.

And now the scavenger obsessed him, more than ever.

Having just been freed from Snoke and failed to turn Rey, he finally had what he'd desired and what he knew he deserved: unlimited power and definitive solitude.

 _No. I'll get her back. I'll make her pay. I'll make her_ mine _.  
_

Brushing aside the weakness he had felt rising in his chest upon Leia's death, he focused back on his plan to catch Rey again, and destroy them all.

* * *

"Where's Poe?" Finn asked.

A pause.

"With her", Rey answered in a faint voice.

Another pause.

"Someone go tell him there's no time for mourning. He's next in command. A leader doesn't stop to mourn."

Everyone turned and stared at whoever had the nerve to cut through the woeful silence like that. It was a boy, not looking older than fifteen.

"You do realize who you're talking about, right?" Finn snapped back.

"The General didn't stop to mourn Han Solo. _I_ didn't stop to mourn my dad. He was on one of the transports."

Finn's mouth opened, but he didn't find anything to respond to that.

"He's right."

Everyone started.

"We received a transmission moments ago", Poe went on, passing them all amidst dead silence, then disappearing into the cockpit.

Suddenly, Rey realized that she hadn't seen Chewbacca. No growl could be heard from the cockpit, but she knew he was there.

They all looked at the door, waiting.


	4. The Syy

* * *

When Poe walked in, he rested his hand in comfort and shared grief upon Chewbacca's shoulder. Uncharacteristically quiet, the furry giant then stood up and hugged him, lifting his new leader from the floor.

"I'm – Mumpf! I'm all – Huh! I'm all right, buddy, I'm all right!"

Chewbacca released him but not completely. Still holding on to his shoulders, towering over the small human, he looked into his eyes, as if gauging him or looking for something. Poe felt naked, unsettled under that strange stare. _Well, this is awkward_ , he thought.

He didn't know Chewbacca well. He knew History, of course, but had only ever seen him three or four times before the war. The first time was a thousand years ago on Hosnian Prime.

Hosnian Prime...

Then barely seventeen years old, a new recruit for the Republic, Poe had come over to his hero to express his admiration, only to be stopped by angry shouts coming from a door next to them. The door had burst open and an angry Leia Organa had emerged, leaving a brooding Han Solo on her tail, Chewbacca shaking his head with a growl, then following them. He had met Leia for the first time that very evening; a big, nasty crush on her making him stutter.

He let out a sigh of relief when Chewbacca let him go, the Wookie turning to lean over Han's chair and press a button. The transmission appeared on a small, ancient screen. Poe frowned.

The Syy system.

He let the unexpected news sink in, then looked back at Chewbacca, who shrugged. It had been encrypted, the Wookie showed him, so he had decrypted it. Open multirelay, automated precoded encryption, no less.

 _Of course_ , Leia had made sure to avoid scaring off any potential allies by giving anyone the opportunity to respond without drawing the attention of the Order. With the destruction of the entire Hosnian system, the enemy had succeeded in spreading terror, submission and resignation throughout the galaxy. Above that was the fact that, now rushing to Gôhn, the Resistance was no longer trapped in a single location as they had been on Crait; no one knew or could know their evolving location nor destination. That meant any help had to come as a blind, widespread transmission. Anyone could intercept it.

Sending a message to them was basically suicide, but _she_ had found a way. _Leia._

Out there, in Force knew how many different locations, were hidden relay transmission posts. She had them programmed with a series of codes corresponding to the different systems she had thought could one day become allies. To contact the Resistance, they had to direct their message to whatever system, and the first post to intercept it relayed it everywhere it could and to other relay posts, which then repeated the process, on and on, until it reached its goal. Encrypted, the messages looked like mundane trade ones, drowning themselves in the cacophony of space transmissions. Likewise, with the right encryption, a message from the Resistance was sure to reach one of the relay posts, who would then automatically bounce it back under a new, unique encryption for each pre-enlisted location. In addition, as a "customized" encrypted message was sent, both real and fakes ones would be bounced back at the same time, thus giving out the impression of a normal transmission station. In the event of a discovery, the post self-destroyed. No evidence, no casualties.

How all of those encryptions had been crafted according to each possible recipient left Poe in wonder. The amount of foresight and work put into this...

_Leia..._

The whole pain-staking process considerably multiplied their chances of being able to communicate secretly, although nothing was completely safe.

Poe pondered. But why the Syy? They had willingly collaborated with the Empire back in her days...

Leia had not only thought of potential allies, but also of potential enemies who might hate the Order more than the Resistance!

 _Leia_...

Poe wanted to slap himself for not having thought about all of that. _You had no time to_ , _busy as you were, trying to play the hero_ , he told himself.

_No. It wasn't your job._

_It wasn't. It is now._

He took a long, deep, shuddering breath, then slowly exhaled, fighting not to let the abrupt weight of responsibility crush him, then started reading.

* * *

He was vaguely familiar with the Syy. Their system was one every non-native carefully avoided. Racist to the core, fiercely independent and obsessed with austere, heartless rationality and incomprehensible rituals, the Syy did not make good allies. They were incapable of loyalty towards other species, and hardly ever travelled outside their own three moons.

Their message was clear.

They didn't want their resources to be preyed upon by the First Order – mainly iron –, and had long felt humiliated by their tone and forced legislation. They called them "parasites" and "the new disease".

 _At least, we can agree on that._ Poe thought, regaining a little bit of his usual sarcasm.

He continued. _Of course_ , they had not believed a word the Resistance had sent.

They had heard about the destructions of the Hosnian system and Starkiller Base, and had reacted with their usual indifference. Immediately after receiving Leia's transmission, they had decrypted it, then dispatched a single ambassador to the closest First Order base with the goal to iterate their concern over new rumors, whilst actually doing some fact-checking. The only proof they had gained was the confirmation of Snoke's fall and of his apprentice Kylo Ren now ruling the Order. Predictably, Ren being responsible for Snoke's death was presented as ludicrous propaganda, just like every other fact Leia had reported on.

The Order claimed that Snoke had died of old age. Poe looked up and huffed in disbelief – "This is a joke, right?!" Finn later exclaimed.

They claimed that they had easily killed the last Jedi, then senile and powerless, that his apprentice was _nothing_ , untrained and weaponless, that they had reduced the "terrorists" to a handful of fanatics and destroyed their entire arsenal, and that there had been a mutiny amongst them, probably sparked by their desperate state and incompetent rulers.

Poe shuddered. _I can't do this._ He read on, cold sweat forming behind his neck. The news of Leia Organa surviving the void of space was directly mocked by the Syy. "Spare us your infantilizing propaganda", the message read.

He abruptly stood up and, with tremendous effort, stopped himself from punching the nearest bulkhead. _Stars, I can't, I can't… Force help me, I can't…_

 _"Yes, you can_. _"_

 _Was that_ –

A very loud growl from Chewbacca made him jump so hard he nearly fell over.

_Kriff!_

He sat back down and tried to calm himself and _think_. The glimpse into their enemies' communication strategy made him fume, even more so as there was too much cruel truth to it. Plus, they had indeed no proof of any of what they had broadcast. Or did they? He couldn't think _. Incompetent rulers_. He felt the urge to cry again. Instead, he bit his lip hard, took another deep breath, and read on.

The Syy didn't believe them, but they didn't believe in the Order's propaganda either. The end of their message was blunt.

 _"_ _There is plenty of iron in the galaxy. The Empire had respected our terms and left us in peace. The First Order forced their way into our mines. We want them gone. Give us proof you are in a position to overthrow them and we will consider long-term, secret assistance to your cause. Convince us and we will shortly send you_ _**whatever** _ _you need, except Beings of our Race. Divulge our deal in any way, and we will make sure the First Order finds you."_

Poe sat back in Han's chair.

"Seems reasonable to me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little trivia: "syy" means "reason" in Finnish.


	5. Answers

* * *

He could not reach her.

The Order, the Galaxy, Supreme Power; suddenly he didn't care. He had to find her. He had to talk to her again.

Sitting on the side of his bed, his hands clawing at the black sheets, he was condensing all his power into that single task. The door she had shut on him was still there, palpable, apparently impenetrable, yet not quite solid. It was only as firm as her resolve, he thought, and it would eventually waver.

Fog between them. Fog stretching light years and light years across the stars.

He reached out as deep as he could, plunging through it, on and on. A second was all he needed. A flicker of frailty, the faintest blemish in her soul, and he would dive right through.

* * *

General Dameron re-emerged from the cockpit after twenty interminable minutes. At his first mention of the Syy, Rey and Finn watched clueless as two thirds of the crew started to whisper their surprise, concern and disbelief. He gave them a few seconds to recover from the news, as he had himself needed. Just when silence had fully returned and he opened his mouth to continue, he was interrupted again by a quiet moan.

"Rose!"

Everyone turned to see Finn fall on his knees and take her hand.

"Rose, Rose, hey!" He gently spoke. "It's me, Finn! We're safe! We escaped! Can you believe that?"

Another moan was her only answer.

"Rose? Hey, I need help here, she's in pain, she needs –"

Kalonia stepped in with a needle and wasted no time. In an instant, Rose was back to her unconscious state.

"How much longer till –" He stopped himself, Kalonia's eyes pointing at Poe then looking back at him.

"Sorry…"

Poe then went on with a straight-to-the-point presentation of the unfriendly species, before giving a scanty summary of their message.

"In short, they don't like us. They won't fight for us. But they _hate_ the Order. They're ready to supply us with anything as long as we eventually get rid of them. _But_ –", Poe raised his voice amidst premature rejoicing, _"_ they're an isolated lot, and they're not warriors. I doubt we can expect a full arsenal from them or anything truly game-changing. They're betting on us, and I bet they'll be bluffing along the way. We have to remain cautious. Now, what I know for sure is that they're a bunch of eggheads, so I'm pretty sure they know some good places for us to hide; buy time, bulk up, lick our wounds. But here's where it gets tricky: they demand proof; proof we're something; proof we have a chance against the Order."

A woman on Rey's left sighed and shook her head.

"I know it's not what we hoped for but it's _something_. It's the only answer we got; for now. Look, here's the plan: we keep our course, get to Gôhn and stick with – with the initial plan." He plainly stammered, avoiding Leia's name. All their hearts skipped a beat. When he had regained his voice, it was louder and more confident. "We get there, and find bacta, food, fuel and supply, be it by force." He cast a glance at Rey. "If the locals turn out to be hostile, we'll improvise. In our state, we don't have a choice. Now, how do we bring the Syy proof? Rey, Finn, I need to talk to you."

Turning on his heels and passing Chewbacca who had come out to listen with the rest of the crew, he gestured for them to follow him into the cockpit, as if it now were his cramped, improvised office, and shut the door after them.

His eyes fixed upon the rays of stars surrounding them. He didn't speak nor turn to face them for a long moment. Rey and Finn exchanged worried looks.

"I have no idea what to do", he finally said. "I need your help."

* * *

Far, far away, in another corner of the galaxy, a storm was brewing upon the capital city of Rakkor. Low, orange clouds gathered on the skyline, sparkling with a thousand bolts.

Storms were monthly there; swift and deadly. Ten hours of deafening swirls of hail, wind and lightning. Staying outside was suicide. Always preceded by sirens resounding in every street, they would yet only make the visitors shudder, while the natives always waited for the final moment to nonchalantly confine themselves in their bunker-like buildings. Stormtroopers never got used to them.

Leia's news had reached the people. The Queen, Ashmae-Lia II, had dismissed it with indifference and disdain. Her alliance with the First Order was making her richer by the minute, her ore-filled planet one of their biggest wells. She didn't like their invasion and occupation, but she lived with it. Very, _very_ well. Her people, however… Her people were over-worked. Her people were upset. Her people were _stubborn_.

They had waited for the storm. The assault was just as swift. All troopers died within thirty minutes, finding the bunker doors closed, receiving blaster shots or other less charitable wounds. The fire of rebellion spread quicker than the wind. Screaming men, women and children all sprang into action; for their family, their friends, freedom and the Light. On her throne, the Queen waited. When the doors opened, she didn't flinch. Her head fell to the ground next to it, an echo of Snoke's demise.

* * *

"Tell me again what happened on the Supremacy. Tell me anything we could use, anything we could turn into proof. _Anything._ Come on, think!"

They thought, long and hard. With each new second of silence, Poe's breath became thicker.

"I –", Finn started, only to fall silent again. "Why would they believe _me_ , why would they believe anything _we_ say, when they didn't even believe _Leia_? I mean, it's their word against ours at this point. What more can we give them?"

Rey remained mute, brows furrowed. Poe looked at her, hesitant.

"We can show _you_! We can show your powers to them, what you can do with the Force! Poe, she's so strong! She's amazing! She'll impress them!". Sudden hope made Finn look radiant.

"No. Not the Syy.", Poe slowly replied, his hands on his sides, looking down.

Finn's ardor didn't fade.

"But common people! Forget the Syy! _Normal_ people. Show Rey to _them_! She will be proof for _them_!"

Poe gave a small nod. "Yes. That's worth a shot. But without a lightsaber… It would only confirm one of their claims."

Rey was focusing on her breathing and theirs. Three pairs of lungs, three hearts beating, blood flowing with increasing adrenaline.

"I don't understand." Finn said. "Claims? What claims?"

She looked up at Poe.

The new General hesitated, before revealing the Order's propaganda to them; all of it. It made Finn fume, and Poe saw himself in him, almost losing control a few minutes ago. _Leia._

"This is a joke, right?!" the former trooper exclaimed through clenched teeth. Rey kept quiet, Poe unable to read the strange expression on her face. He spoke again. "This is a blow, but an expected one. Of course they're gonna lie. Of course they're gonna hide their weaknesses. But don't let them… Don't let them _distract_ you. Think. _Think_."

Nothing came out. The silence became unbearable.

"There must be something. There _must_ be something."

He almost didn't hear Rey's frail answer.

"There is."


	6. Links

* * *

Poe and Finn waited for her to explain her idea, but she didn't know how to.

_But you have to._

She didn't want to think about _him._

_But you have to._

The Force had not connected them; Snoke had. But he had not _created_ anything. He had merely cut open a gash through something; something that had already been there. Something linking them together. _Darkness rises and light to meet it._

A balance?

Ben Solo was gone, she understood now. Yet she couldn't let go, not completely. He would always be Ben to her, but she was _Kylo Ren_ 's counterpart in the Force. Together, she and _Kylo Ren_ brought balance to it. _Together_. What did it mean?

She had felt a pull towards him; an irresistible pull to bring him back to the Light. He had tried to sway her into his darkness. _Please,_ he had _begged_ her. She wouldn't turn; he wouldn't come back. Neither would yield. Were they destined to do this forever? She didn't want to feel it again. She didn't want to face him again.

_I don't want to do this again._

But she knew _he_ wanted to. She had seen it in his eyes. _Desire,_ her mind was afraid to acknowledge _. But that's what it is. That is the truth._ She could use it; use it against him so that this would all finally end.

"I know what to do but I don't know how", she finally said to Poe, her tone as intimate as it had been with Luke. Poe's eyes locked into hers, and his breathing began to slow down. He felt he completely trusted her.

_How will he react when he finds out?_

"You gotta give us more than that!" Finn interjected. "Rey?"

"You'll figure it out", Poe said, his eyes still on her, his tone making it sound like a fact. "Take your time, but not too much, all right? I mean, we're kinda being chased by the entire Order right now." Rey nodded and looked down, not relieved in the slightest. "No pressure", he added both to her and to himself, a spark of humor in his eyes, trying to relieve the tension.

"Okay, okay. If we can get them what they want, we'll ask for a good hiding place, then for tons of credits. I know who can get us X-wings, or at least contacts, but we have to be able to contact _her_ , and there's no chance we can right now. Unless… Yeah, maybe..."

Rey and Finn watched as the new General of the Resistance began pacing up and down the small space of the cockpit. After a needless apology, he dismissed them.

Rey felt like a traitor.

* * *

The Jedi texts were both a curse and a refuge. Her mind took in ancient tales of serene, ascetic hermits binding themselves with the Force. She saw Luke and imagined herself in his place, alone her entire life only to die on some remote planet, still alone. The weight was crushing her. _I can't be a Jedi._ And yet she kept on reading one of the sacred books for an hour, pretending to do some important research about what she was supposed to do, when in fact she already knew.

 _Seduce him_. The thought made her sick. She tried to bury the glimpse she'd had of his naked chest. She didn't know anything about... _that_. But she knew there was something within her. She was both scared and irresistibly tempted by it.

And then what? Kill him? She couldn't. _A diversion._ But from what?

 _I need to tell Poe Dameron._ But she didn't. She felt trapped. _Will he still trust me when he finds out?_

_Don't tell him the whole truth._

_No, I can't lie to him. I can't lie to them.  
_

_Is hiding part of a truth lying?_

Trying to push it all away, she focused on the tome in her lap. She looked and looked for any explanation of exactly how to forge a lightsaber, but all she came across were vague descriptions of rituals with kyber crystals, and beautiful but unhelpful symbolic drawings. One was of a Jedi brandishing his saber above his head, casting a radiating beam of light all around him. She stared at it for a long time. _I only know one truth: it's time for the Jedi to end._ It was all on her now. There was no-one left but her. Or was there? _I can't do this._

_"Yes, you can."_

_Leia!_

Her presence vanished as quickly as it had appeared in her soul. She put the tome down and took the pieces of Luke's saber in her hands to inspect them for what felt like the hundredth time. Perhaps the Syy would know? Or at least they would know where to go, who to go to? But they had no proof.

"Rey, come."

Starting a little, she looked up at Poe and followed him, passing Finn whispering to Rose now conscious, but still in pain. In the cockpit, there were two other people she didn't know, although after a few seconds she recognized the young communication officer who had given her his bunk. The bunk above Leia's. Maybe if she hadn't left…

"We've been trying to contact Maz Kanata", Poe began. The young officer looked away from her, his cheeks pink. "She's a really –"

"Maz Kanata?", she repeated all of a sudden, cutting him off. "I know who she is! She gave me Luke's lightsaber."

"She – wait, what?" Poe froze. "Officers, dismissed."

When they were gone, his face suddenly moved very close to hers. Here it was again, that scent, although it was saltier than before. _Sweat._

"She did? She _did_! By the stars, she'll never cease to impress me. Wait, where did she get it? Why didn't anyone tell me? Wait, do you think –"

"I don't know. I didn't think about asking her at the time. Maybe she knows how or –"

" – where to go to fix it. But how did she get _Luke Skywalker_ 's lightsaber? Kriffin' hell, what a brain!" He turned and ran his hands through his black curls, before facing her again. Too close. She could have counted his stubble hairs, and his dark, intense eyes were all she could see. Did excitement always make him invade other people's personal spaces like that? This time it was too much. She took a step back. She looked like a child.

Caught in a whirlwind of emotions and new-found pressure after Leia's death, he had almost forgotten who Rey was. She was so young, looked so shy at that moment, and yet here was the most powerful being in the entire galaxy; on their side, at least. There was an aura exulting from her. He remembered the awe he had felt while watching those rocks float away all around her. It was the same awe he'd felt before Luke.

Luke's true heir. Their token of the Force itself. A _Jedi_. It was all on her now. It dawned on him then that they had more in common than their piloting skills. Something deeper, far more intimate linked them together: the suffocating burden of unexpected leadership. They and they alone knew how it felt, to have the world resting upon their shoulders, waiting for them to succeed when they had no idea how to. _No, not now. I am not ready yet._ That fear, that secret doubt eating at them linked them together. _What if I fail? What if they all die because of me?_

Ren must feel it too in his own twisted way, it occurred to him. They were all on the same page now.

"All right, that's good. Perfect, actually; except our com's… not dead, but not _optimal_. That beauty's from another day." His hand rested onto the nearest bulkhead, almost caressing it. "We can't contact Maz from her. We need to upgrade her com system or else try and find a more modern one on Gôhn and send our message from there. That's why I asked for you. I know you were –", he paused, embarrassed.

"A scavenger", she finished, unflinching.

"Right. D'you happen to know how to upgrade that model right there? Give it a standard, multisystem range? I'm not good at comtech, and none of our officers could understand how this one works."

Rey looked down at the small opening to the ancient communication device he was pointing at. She squatted down and began inspecting it. In less than ten seconds, she knew what parts were needed. "I can do it. I'll need a condensing pulse-muffling radar connector and a three-way podhatch; and a standard comlink, obviously. They're all quite common parts; easy to find, but not easy to tinker into that kind of obsolete system. Everything has to be re-arranged and re-wired; but I can do it. It will be easier than stealing a modern holocom. I guess we don't have any credits to buy a new one?"

_Amazing._

"That's right. We have a few left, but not enough. You sure you can put them down there?" She nodded. "Okay, let's do this. Thank you."

She stood up and turned to face him again, but didn't leave; she stayed right there in front of him. He clumsily wondered if his "thank you" had been appropriate; acting like a General didn't suit him. He didn't dismiss her, and an awkward silence settled between them. It felt wrong, somehow, to give _her_ orders. She looked beautiful, so obviously strong. He bet she could easily kick his ass without using the Force at any point.

"You can go."

She didn't move.

"Is there…anything you wanna tell me?" Rey's eyes plainly showed her hesitation. _Why is his voice so sweet now?_

He frowned. "You have another idea." It was half a question, half a revelation. "You found something? In the books?"

She looked at him but didn't reply. His eyes softened. There was something in them... So much patience, so much kindness. An urge to kiss him sprang from her chest, catching her completely off guard.

He felt it too.

They didn't move.

She finally gave a quick nod. "I need more time."

_Liar._

Poe's scrutinizing stare gave her the impression that he knew _._ He _knew_ she was lying.

"Okay", he simply replied.


	7. Fire

* * *

Right in the middle of the second Tome, as if hidden amongst the obscure accounts of long-forgotten Jedi, another drawing caught her attention.

Above it was a simple phrase: _the Force is Fire_. The Aurebesh was not easy to read, all curvy and spotted with ancient signs. The drawing itself was a dark yellow pentagon, with inside it a half-black, half-white silhouette. Its right hand was on the white side, slightly extended as if showing its palm. Its head was turned to the right. Rey mused about the simplicity of it all. The yellow was the Force, and the being was split between the Light and the Dark Side, but chose to look towards the Light, his open hand indicating the right path. What had made her stop to look at it was something else, however. Along each side of the pentagon were five finely written words.

Blind. Sparked. Infused. Wielding. Volcanoes.

She looked at the page for a long time, only vaguely aware of her increasingly bustling surroundings. The bottom side had "Blind" written below it; that at least made a little sense. But the rest of it? "Sparked" was along the bottom left side and "Wielding" at its opposite. At the top were "Infused" and "Volcanoes". She guessed they were some kinds of categories, different degrees of the Force as it manifested itself. She looked at the word "Volcanoes". Were all the words meant to be read as _people_? _The_ Blind, _the_ Infused, _the_ Volcanoes... Was _she_ a "Volcano" of the Force? Her head hurt. She started reading the page next to it. It was a short single poem hand-written in beautiful, large letters.

_Every Being has Fire, the Fire Itself a witness._

_Though most cannot feel Its burn, they have It nonetheless._

_Some are found by shimmers in times of deep despair_

_Or feel a spark awakened by danger, unaware._

_Some are fed by It, all their days singed in It._

_They sail in luck unflickering, their path already writ._

_Few are struck with power; through flares of fuel higher_

_They blow the passion out of them, be it by love or ire._

_At last, the wild volcanoes; by them Balance is found._

_Eternal fight unfolding, by Fire shall be bound._

She was trembling, but of anger as much as fear. There it was again, that bloody _Balance..._ But why? _Why?_ How could there be too much light? Too much peace, too much happiness, too much love? This made _no sense_.

* * *

He had given his Knights a mission: find as many as they could, and kill them all. They had found three. Two working in the same circus, one sheltered by her parents and some priests outside a small village. All had been easy to kill. No truly _special_ one.

After Snoke's fall, he had waited for them to contact him, and they finally had. Their leader had succeeded; it was now time to play a bigger role. He gave them their new mission in a holocom, standing straight as a peacock. Later that night, he quickly fell asleep for the first time in weeks.

* * *

Poe could not stay away from the fire of fighting. There was no way he would remain behind the lines, ordering others to rush into death when he could be out there doing a better job. Above all else, he would be a fighting General. He carefully reviewed all remaining lieutenants and officers and crafted a new chain of command, briefing the next four below him in the case of his becoming incapacitated in any way. After having taken care of everything, there was nothing more to do but wait.

Alone in the cockpit, he stared at the rush of stars.

Waiting didn't become him. Even as a child he had been restless. Staying inactive had always been a special kind of torture, and as an adult, it always made his mind drift to the same dark thoughts; one in particular seemed to come more and more into focus as time went by.

He would not live long.

It was odd to suddenly be so sure of it, yet not to feel any dread. He felt the fear of failure, the fear of incompetence, of the world being abandoned to darkness at least partly because of him; those fears he knew of. He had known the fear of being trapped too, of agony and helplessness, although these were somehow remote, like natural bodily responses that didn't really define him. But the fear of his own death? He didn't know it. He had never felt it.

Most held on to the hope of a new life after the war. Not that long ago, just before it officially broke out and Leia had made it clear that she wanted more from him, he had secretly begun to let go of it. _Hope._ But there had always been a flicker of it left. His eyes still glued to the windshield, he nodded to himself: it was extinguished now. It felt like a choice. These were his final days, weeks, months, or maybe, just maybe, years. Not knowing when or how excited him. How odd... Was he waiting for it? Secretly craving it, like a moth drawn to the flame?

His right hand came up to play with the ring around his neck. It was a token of the dreams that would never come true; a relic of hope. Had it ever truly been anything else? The constant flirting around, the jokes and playful banter, all that lust for life he publicly displayed were all honest and real in those moments, but then, alone in the dark, he clang to the little piece of metal like a madman grasping at his imaginary lover's locket. He would never have what his parents had had. _True Love._ It would always be a dream, like Finn falling in love with him or the Jedi girl kissing him in this cockpit. But he didn't mind. It was real for so many souls and it was what they were fighting for _; he_ was just a piece of it all.

* * *

Suddenly, amidst all that blinding fog, a distant glow, somewhere. He prowled towards it, like a hound at long last sensing his prey.

Rey felt a rush of cold wind. There was something there, something cold, something dark; a dark presence trying to slip under the door. She inhaled, all of her senses in alert. The presence froze. With all her might, she straightened her resolve. She felt like a child trying to scoop up the water slowly eating at her sand castle. After a moment, he finally shrank away. "Rey, you okay?" _How much longer?_

* * *

Poe kept Gôhn's designation code for himself for as long as he reasonably could, giving them all as much time to rest as possible. Leia had died before explaining exactly why she had chosen the force-forsaken place, apart from that obvious asset; a planet Chewbacca himself had never heard of was sure to keep them under the radar. "We have to hide and wait for help", was all she had left them with.

An hour only before reaching the planet, he gathered the entire crew in the lounge space. Standing on a box, he spoke to them in a loud voice, looking them all at least once in the eye, even those standing on tiptoes in the back passageway. Rose was unconscious again, Finn and Kalonia close to her, worried looks on their faces. The former trooper looked away. He had not been able to look Poe in the eye ever since Leia's death, and Poe wasn't sure why. He had felt his eyes on him a lot, though. Earlier in the cockpit, when he'd walked past them to go to the fresher, when he'd walked back to the cockpit again... Finn _observed_ him now, when he thought Poe didn't see. Was it because of his new position or, maybe, just maybe – _No. Let go._

D04-5A-245. The code indicated a very old, cold, rocky desert planet with underground water. But that was not the worrying part. Gôhn was not part of either of the two categories of worlds considered habitable for humans. When he had finished his short presentation of their new "refuge", nobody spoke.

"I know what you're all thinking, but it's a D, and not a high D, so right below the Cs, okay? We'll still be able to breathe there without aid. The problem's its gravity. It's, er… a little too strong; but nothing really problematic."

"Poe... it's way past one gee…", a woman finally said, doubt written all over her face.

"I know, but we're not all going, and we won't stay long. As soon as we're in close range, we'll establish contact and see where that goes. Who knows? Maybe they'll be willing to bring everything to us and we'll take our time to do the necessary repairs in orbit. If they turn out less... cooperative, some of us will go do some scouting for parts and supplies. We won't stay there long. We can't anyways. We'll take the two escape pods and keep–"

" _We?!_ " Poe stopped and turned to see the rebellious orphan who had earlier confronted him. He pointed a finger at the boy.

"I like you. What's your name?" The boy looked completely taken aback. "Maxien", he almost shouted after having regained his composure.

"Well, yeah, I'm going, Maxien. I'm not the waiting type. And there's too little of us left anyway. Plus, I really need to work out."

Kalonia sighed at Poe's joke. 1.6 gees… The Gôhn gravity would surely feel like a good work-out session at first, but the weight would soon become unbearable. _Why did Leia choose this planet?_ The boy looked at Poe as if he'd grown another head. _  
_

"Kaydel, you'll be in charge in our absence. Finn, Ekko, Rey, Jax, come with me."

Walking back to the cockpit, he realized he had called them all by their first names. He wondered if he would ever get used to his new position and all the stilted language that had to come with it. _No time._ _And what would I call Finn and Rey anyway_? He pictured Leia shaking her head at the baby General he was.

"If we do have to get down there, I want you with me", he pointed at Finn and Ekko. "We'll take care of bacta, food and fuel and see if we can get some ships. Our target's any major docking station; there should be everything we need there. Rey, Jax, you'll take the other pod and go look for the parts we need. Take BB8 and R2D2 with you; any simple task is gonna be a challenge. Use them as much as possible. BB's almost done charging. Chewbacca, you'll be the only left able to fly that beauty. Stay here, stay alert. We'll all go together; same spot, same time. Thirty minutes max. Try to stretch and warm up beforehand; it's gonna be tough. Oh, and get some coats."

"Rey can stay here to pilot the Falcon", Finn interjected. "I mean, Chewie could carry stuff", he added, before noticing Rey's piercing eyes. He instantly regretted his suggestion.

"I'll be okay, thanks", she said, not really angry. He _cared_ for her. Finn managed to glance at Poe, desperately looking for approval.

"Sorry Finn, Rey's - Her - She could be useful", he stammered.

"What about you? You could stay here. I mean, again, no offense, but Chewie's much bigger, and you can fly anything, right?"

Chewbacca growled in agreement.

Poe took a deep breath, then finally addressed the issue no-one wanted to ask about.

"No, I'm going. If they let us, I'll hold Leia's pyre there. We can't keep her much longer. We'll take her with us. I - I wanna do it. It needs to be me, if that's okay with you", he looked at Chewbacca, who slowly nodded. "After it's done, I'll bring her back to the ship". He almost couldn't get the last part out. It took Rey a minute to understand what he had just said.

* * *

The team of five watched as Chewbacca got them all out of light speed. What emerged from the bright lines was something Poe had never seen. The surface was entirely covered with the same dark gray hue, large smudges of either deep black or bright white occasionally tainting it. Clouds. _The stuff of nightmares_ , Finn thought. _Where's the water?_ Rey wondered, before remembering the code. It didn't look habitable. At all.

They all looked at Poe and saw his face lit up with a strange, crooked smile, his eyes suddenly small and wrinkly. Rey wondered how old he was. "How does _this_ make you smile?" Finn said, incredulous.

"What can I say? I like a challenge", Poe replied, then turned and winked at him. Finn quickly looked away and manifestly gulped. _Oh, there's definitely still a chance._

"Chewbacca –" Poe began, before immediately being cut off by a single growl. "All right, sorry, _Chewie,_ send the transmission." The message was a neutral introduction and request for help, Poe having evidently chosen not to mention their true identity for protection.

In that tiny space, with that giant, cold dark ball right there, looming before them, the long wait that followed was haunting.

They waited and waited. Nothing. "Send it again", Poe ordered after what felt like an hour. Another long wait; still nothing. Just when Finn was about to break the silence with an obvious "Maybe there's no-one there?", the tiny trail of a single ship exiting the atmosphere at light speed appeared in the distance. Another moment and three more could be seen, immediately followed by two, three, five, then a dozen, and then nothing.

"They're running away", Rey said quietly.

"From what? They don't know who we are. The Order?", Finn asked.

"They do", she replied.

"They do? How? It's the ship, is it?" Finn went on.

"Maybe. Maybe not. Either way, they could've contacted the Order." Poe said, his voice lower than usual.

"No, they're afraid."

Poe turned to face her, remembering _who_ was talking. Why did he keep forgetting just _who_ she was?

"I felt it, their fear. They're afraid of us. Of the Order too." She explained, her eyes fixed on the planet.

"They can still contact them _and_ run away", Finn pointed out.

"No, I think... I think they want to help, but they're afraid. They're all gone now." Rey said, brow furrowed.

"All gone? What do you mean? And why would they wanna help if they're scared of _us_? Why be scared of the Resistance?"

"There's no-one left."

Finn managed again to look at Poe, only to exchange with him a quiet instant of shared awe.

"How can you know all that from so far away?" Finn whispered.

"I don't know. They were…very loud. I can't explain it."

She felt Poe's eyes on her. There it was again, that intense stare. He nodded. "Let's move fast."

* * *

When the deadly storm finally ceased, it was replaced by fire. The Order's retaliation was without mercy. Soon, there was nothing left of the rebellious Rakkor but ruins sprinkled with ash and blood.

But some had escaped.

They had escaped and they had sent a _message_. Words of victorious humiliation and dizzying hope flew to millions of yearning ears and they lit up a fire far more powerful than the one the new rebels had fled.

_We have freed ourselves. Don't wait for others to rebel for you!_

Now cruising through space, they were eagerly seeking out the remnants of the Resistance, tales of the last Jedi and his girl apprentice lulling their children to sleep.


	8. Gôhn

* * *

The short descent was agony. Finn, Ekko Asty and himself were crammed with Leia's corpse in one of the two tiny escape pods of the Falcon, Gôhn's gravity increasingly weighing them down. Leia was wrapped in white bedsheets and her head kept tapping against a bulkhead. After a nasty thud, Poe extended his hand to shield her from the tremors.

They landed hard on top of a giant docking station that looked like it hadn't be used for decades. Two minutes later, the second pod followed.

Rey's first step outside ended with her on the ground. It was as if the planet itself wanted to make them fall. They all felt twice as heavy and had trouble simply getting up. The blood in their heads started to pound. She was reminded of the backpack she had once found on Jakku, then still a small girl. She had tested it on her, and after a minute of carrying her parts in it, she had abandoned it on the sand. _No, bad way to carry heavy stuff, it will break my back._ And so she had gone back to her old habit of putting everything onto a tarp and just pulling and pulling. This time she couldn't just take something off. She took a deep breath and pulled herself upright. She could get used to it, but for how long, she couldn't tell. Next to her, Jax was adjusting to the gravity too, but from the look on his face, she guessed he wouldn't last long. BB8 and R2D2 extracted themselves with no difficulty, but even they moved differently, BB8 hitting the ground with a louder clank than usual. She spotted the first pod a hundred feet away. Apart from the five of them, there was no sign of life.

Up there, on top of the high facility, the view was breath-taking. All around them and down toward the skylines were even expanses of dark gray, only interrupted by a low plateau on the East side, and dozens of ancient little vestiges in every direction, some relatively close, others miles away. They looked like small altars, or maybe pedestals for long-lost statues, or _very_ fancy little take-off platforms, Poe joked to himself. The air was cold, but not freezing. There was a weak wind with occasional stronger blows that felt almost pleasant to their burdened bodies. The sun was too far away, small and faint above them, casting a strange, silver light on the entire abandoned world.

BB8 reached the gate to a huge hangar first, followed by R2D2 and Ekko Asty. Being much stronger than his human companions, the Abednedo would be able to stay for a longer period of time if need be. Breathing hard, the humans all dragged their feet across the hard metal. Poe realized that in case of an attack, they wouldn't be able to run.

Ekko quickly re-emerged from the hangar. Good news. When Poe reached it, he whooped like a child, then coughed for a whole minute. There lay five old Z-95 starfighters, the original gray of their hulls now yellowish and brown. Behind them was an ancient light cruiser, a small variant of a CR90 corvette Poe had never seen. He didn't waste any time.

"Ekko! Finn! Check the engines and look for bacta and rations! Rey! Jax! Go! I'll take care of the… of Leia."

They all separated in slow motion, their muscles straining. Ekko would keep the General informed, the two of them wearing the only portable coms they had left. He entered the cruiser first, only to come out a few seconds later. Good news, again. "It's full of rations! Three big boxes of them, right at the entrance! It looks like they were waiting for us! Rey was right! They were waiting to help us!"

"There's the infirmary!", Finn shouted, then proceeded to walk faster, his version of a sprint on Gôhn. In a couple of minutes, he was ordering R2D2 to bring a big box of bacta to the old cruiser, himself clinging to a bag full of the precious liquid as if his own life depended on it again.

Rey had gone straight to the storage tanks and scattered remains of ships that she had spotted at the back of the deserted hangar. Everything was enormous. Some wrecks there had clearly been designed for a larger species. There were lots of ancient parts, but many quite recent ones as well. She walked with BB8 on her tail towards a large, fancy speeder, taking several tools from the nearest workbench on her way. Jax was only just catching up with her when she exclaimed: "There! There's two of them! Radar connector and comlink!" With help from the little droid, she opened the belly of the speeder and disconnected the two parts from it in less than ten minutes, before getting on her feet again. She had asked Finn what working out meant, and from what she'd understood, this really felt like that. "Need to find the podhatch now!" Casting a glance at Jax, she stopped on her tracks. The young man was on the floor, breathing but unconscious.

"BB8! Can you bring him to the others?"

"Yip! Ow – owoooh!"

"Thanks, no, don't worry for me. Tell them I'm still looking for the podhatch."

A long pair of pliers sprang out from the little droid, and poor Jax was dragged back to their teammates.

Ekko, Finn and R2D2 had already finished a quick inspection of the cruiser and two of the smaller fighters. When he had examined Jax, the Abednedo pressed the portable com on his chest. "General, officer Bolton passed out, likely from the gravity. Cruiser functional after preliminary inspection; two Z95 functional too, still need to check the others. Bacta, fuel and rations all put on board the cruiser."

When Poe responded, Ekko had trouble understanding him. There was wind, stronger than before, and his voice sounded as if he had just run as fast as he could for an entire mile.

"All right! Go! All – except – you! Ekko – finish – inspection – then bring – Z – East – to first – altar!"

Ekko froze, needing time to think, then said: "Poe, don't. It's too far away. Just do it where you are now, or let _me_ do it."

"No. I won't – do it – on a – frikking docking bay! And I – I need – to do it. Don't – worry – I'll – be okay! Go!", he grunted, then, after a pause: "And Rey?"

"I'll send BB8 to check on her", Ekko replied.

* * *

She spotted a torn-apart modern shuttle to her left. The entire upper half seemed to have been completely blown off, but what remained of its bottom left looked eerily brand new. Slithering inside the wreck, she found herself inside a tiny crawlway where one of the maintenance spaces used to be, and, all drenched in sweat despite the cold, it felt for a second as if she were back on Jakku.

"Whop whohooop! Weep?"

"Yes! I'm all right!", came Rey's voice from inside the ship.

"Beepbidipbeep bopow wooowip!"

"No, I need more time! Tell them – wait, can the fighters still fly?"

"Yip! Wooohbilibop, beepboop."

"Okay, listen, when I'm done, I'll take one and join the fleet!"

BB8 didn't answer, nor move.

"Don't worry, I'll be okay, go!"

After another hesitant jolt, the droid rolled his way back to the cruiser.

She extended her arms and let them fall again on the metal ahead of her, then pulled herself deeper into the ship. It was more difficult than she had thought, the shuttle too recent for her to know where everything was precisely, and it took her a few more, oppressive minutes to find the correct spot. Just before reaching the right grille, she suddenly found herself breathless, Gôhn's gravity finally breaching her limits, claustrophobia she had never felt before making her pant. Pushed onto the cold metal, she couldn't go on. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes and waited for the moment of weakness to pass.

It was in that very instant that he found her.

* * *

"What's happening?" Finn said, his face looking like he'd been standing in pouring rain.

"We're going! The droids will help you fly the cruiser. I have to bring a ship to Poe, then will come back to take another one."

"Okay, where's Rey?"

"She'll follow us in a Z."

"In a what? How much time is that?"

"A Z95 starfighter!" He pointed towards one of the smaller ships.

"Oh, I thought they were X-Wings!"

"Close. They're kind of their ancestors."

* * *

_"Going back to your roots?"_

No, not now. _"Go away!"_

_"You need help."_

_"No, I don't. Go – away!"_

He could see her, flat against a cold, hard surface, weighed down by something, panting. She was looking for something, something inside a ship. Her whole body felt heavy, so heavy.

_"Look what they're making you do. You're worth more than that. You deserve more."_

_"Get out of my head!"_

_"You brought me there, not me. You called for me."_

_"No, I didn't!"_

_"Stop lying to yourself. That door you shut on me, it wasn't meant to last. I saw it in your eyes then, and I can feel it now. You don't want it to stop."_

His low voice was so soft. She was shaking.

_"Strange place... I can't exactly see it, but I can feel it. Your breath is cold, shallow… Your blood – it's heavy... Reminds me of a remote planet I got stranded on when I was a child. With my mother."_

She tried. She tried as hard as she could, mustering every fraction of her power into the effort.

 _"Want to say it again?_ _Come on, say it. Say it again, that I'm a monster."_

It was too much, and it was too late. She let it go with a sob. He didn't speak again, shocked for a second by the revelation and the _ease_ of it all, then cut their connection off. In an instant, the entire fleet was heading to Gôhn, Hux barking bewildered protests, the closest patrols, sentries and battalions minutes away.

* * *

Stopping to catch his breath again, Poe stared at Leia's spread-out feet pointing at the sky, the white sheets long gone. She did always have very nice shoes. He was struck at how the whole endeavor both felt silly and sacred; beautiful and grotesque. Just like life itself, really.

The steps were what broke him. _What am I doing?_ _Just leave her!_ _No. This has to be done the right way._ His head began to swim; it didn't feel real. _I'm not leaving you here to rot._

The silence before the attack was beautiful. Light wind, distant sun, constant twilight. Her head bobbing a little after each pull, he dragged her and dragged her up the sacred steps. The ring was out of his shirt, bouncing gently. When he finally reached the top, he fell on his knees and his first impulse was to contemplate the view, only to realize he'd only climbed ten feet. He gently laid Leia _the right way_ , put her stiff hands on her heart and looked at her one last time. No time for tears.

_"But time for risking your own life for a dead body? Oh, Poe…"_

The voice hit him like a slap of hers. The shock was so great Gôhn's gravity took the better of him and he fell on his side next to her. "Leia?" He managed to say, looking up at her lifeless face. "Leia?!" Louder this time. But there was only the wind mingled with his own breath.

Distant screeches. He started. TIEs. _No, not now._ He couldn't stand up. He reached for his satchel with a grunt, and took the bottle of fuel out.

He started with her feet, and poured the liquid on her like a prayer. He stopped at her neck, then his hand was above her face, pouring all that was left on it. _What am I doing? Why am I not running? What a stupid way to die, Dameron!_

But he didn't move. He couldn't. How pathetic and obvious: he'd never seen his mother dead. They had found her in her ship, burned to the ground. He had had nightmares of her burning, her eyes closed, her hair full of kerosene, the smell he liked so much.

Deafening noise behind him. He didn't care. How odd that he didn't care. He belonged there. He dragged himself a couple feet away from her, then reached for the lighter. It was only when the blaze engulfed her frame that he realized he was too close. The last thing he saw was Leia's right hand, black in swirls of blinding orange.


	9. Junction

* * *

When he woke up, his first thought was that he was being crushed by something, something moving on his lap. His whole body ached. He reached out to push the thing off him and opened his eyes. There was hair, brown hair in front of him. Around it, a cockpit. He was in an X-Wing. In an X-wing _with_ _someone else_.

His eyes widened. "No, no, no, no, no..."

"I'm sorry, it was the only way! Hold on!"

Rey.

He was shoved hard to the right, then to the left, a bright flare flying past them. She was dodging fire. Dodging fire, her face almost flat on the windshield! There was no way she had easy access to all the commands!

"No, no, no, no…"

He tried to move and his body screamed. Gôhn, Leia, the fire; it all came back to him. He was all sticky with sweat and there was a smell of something burning. No, burned leather. Burned hair. Was he wounded? It didn't feel like he was. All of his muscles ached though, and he felt the urge to sleep, but instinct kicked in. With a moan of pain, he sat up and reached around her for the control stick, only to be slammed back into the seat. Her hand was already there. _That's not an X-Wing_. Another flare. _One of the Z-95 from Gôhn._ She was quick, precise, unshakeable. Red alarms. Adrenaline shot up his spine. "Can you reach for the starboard release switch?", she abruptly shouted. Their eyes had fixed on the same red lights, an idea reaching them both at the exact same time, and even before she had finished her sentence, Poe extended his arm to the switch above his head, allowing Rey to punch the port canon while slamming her foot on the brakes. The result was perhaps in Poe's top five maneuvers ever, although not in the top three, his pride chimed back. The two TIEs exploded a second apart. He would have whooped had he been in better shape. But there were more, dozens of them he realized. They only had an instant of clearance.

"Rey, now!" He cried out, and everything seemed to stop when the stars came lining by.

"Did you just pull us to light speed without entering coordinates? Ow."

"You told me too, and we had no time!"

"Then what are you waiting for?! Enter a course, you're gonna get us killed! They'll be right on –"

"I don't know any! Give me –"

"A89-12B-845!"

"A89-12B-845." Rey repeated. She got them out of lightspeed, and a blue giant popped into sight right in front of them, hot and blinding. She moved the ship away from it with a gasp, then flicked the light speed switch again.

"Smooth." Poe huffed when they'd gotten out of there. Panting, they both needed a moment to recover from the near death by blue giant experience. _Now,_ that _would've been a fancy death_ , Poe mused. Rey got off his lap, but ended up crushing his left hip.

"Ow, careful!"

"Sorry. Can you move more to your right?"

"Easier said than done. Ow."

"Where are we going?"

"Kotka", he said.

"What?"

"Kotka, that's the name. Big trade junction, closest I could think of. Big population, tons of traffic. They'll be right behind us; best place to lose them", he explained.

"Wait, why are you saying they'll be right behind us? They can track us at light speed?"

"You can stop shouting, you know, I'm right here", he flinched.

"Sorry."

"You didn't get the good news?"

"What?"

"Big progress. Scientists rejoicing everywhere." His sarcasm went completely above her head. "Didn't we tell you, during the report session? Why else d'you think we were running away at regular speed that whole time?"

"I didn't think about that and no, no-one mentioned it!"

"Well yeah, that was a pretty quick report session, I give you that." Rey shifted again, and he gritted his teeth. He peeked at the oxygen level before her. Thank the stars it was full.

"Tell me what happened."

There was a long pause, Rey not answering him, and his throat clenched. When she opened her mouth, she was still looking ahead, carefully avoiding his eyes.

"I – I think they got away, but… I'm not sure. Ekko contacted the Falcon as soon as I – as soon as I told him… I sensed them coming. Finn, Jax and the droids were already gone in the cruiser. Ekko took one of the other fighters. I don't know – that's all I know", she finished, her voice small.

"How did you…"

Understanding what he meant, she searched for the right words.

"I – heard Leia. She told me you needed help."

The words hit his ears but he had trouble processing what she had just said. He recalled the moment he too had heard her voice, as clear as day. Had it been his woozy mind playing tricks on him, or something more, something real?

"How did you… put me in here? There was no time. They were there already."

Again, she took a moment to figure out how to explain it.

"I don't know." She said at last, because it was the truth. "I ran. They were slow. Then I carried you and –"

"You _carried_ me? You ran? You _ran_?! How in the Force did you –" _Right, the Force._

They fell silent, both getting more and more aware of their bodies being pressed together. _She didn't look at me even once._ Poe stared ahead at the tunnel of light, suddenly feeling sick.

"I can't believe I threw you all into this trap", he said, his voice low with bitterness so unlike himself she almost told him the truth right there and then.

"It's not your fault", she said, her tone leaving no room for doubt, but still not turning around.

"Of course it is." _Great first day, General Dameron. Really, nailed it._

"No, it's not. You listened to me, you all did. I told you they wanted to help and… they did _,_ if anyone is to blame, it's –

"They ran away, you said it. They knew the Order was coming. Must've cut out a deal with them. I saw them all leaving and didn't jump to the right conclusion. I'm the General, don't think for one second you're responsible for this. I am, I was, it's all on me." He closed his eyes, letting his head fall back upon the headrest. Overwhelming guilt and shame gripped them both at the same time, their eyes welling up, each convinced they had failed their friends, failed the Resistance. She was glad he couldn't see her face and he now hoped she wouldn't turn around. Part of her kept telling her that he would understand, that he wouldn't blame her, that she had to tell him as soon as possible so that together they would figure out what to do, but her dark secret wouldn't come out of her mouth. Ben's wicked voice echoed in her mind: _You don't want it to stop._ She felt tainted.

"We have to find our way back to them. Back to the fleet", Poe said. _If there's any left._

She was sitting on the left edge of the seat in a very uncomfortable position. She tried to shift into a more bearable one, but the more she tried, the more friction she created. Turning 90 degrees to her right, folding her legs and putting her feet across his lap would allow her to rest her back against the bulkhead. _But he'd be able to see my face._ She didn't dare. Her cheeks and nose turned a little red. Poe thought they both needed a shower.

"Ouch."

"Sorry."

He tried to focus on his memories of Kotka. "We'll have to get through Kotka's portals unnoticed; they're everywhere. A Z-95 should raise some eyebrows, but it's not that rare. If we get stopped for control, we gotta give them a story. If that's not enough, we'll force our way in, no choice; plunge through the traffic."

 _"_ Then what?" She asked.

"Abandon ship, disappear in a crowd, find new clothes, something to cover our heads, then a place to hide for a couple days."

Rey shifted again. Silence.

"Why did you…", she started, hesitant. "What you _did_ … It was…"

"Stupid, I know."

"I was gonna say beautiful."

Poe didn't reply.

"It's like Anmione's tale", she murmured, as if to herself, remembering the face of the old woman who had chanted it to her, years and years ago after a man had beaten her and tried to take her. All she remembered was that there was a girl named Anmione whose father was killed. He had been wrongly accused of a crime, and according to law was denied a pyre and left to rot on the sand, exposed to the rats. His daughter rebelled and did it herself in the middle of the night. The following morning, she was sentenced to death by fire. She held her head high as the flames engulfed her, and died proud and content.

He stayed quiet, realizing he hadn't had the time to gather her ashes. She wondered if he knew the story too, but didn't ask.

"Wake me up when we get there", he said.


	10. Act

* * *

He couldn't sleep but wasn't truly awake. He kept his eyes closed, his throat painfully dry. She couldn't really breathe but stayed still and quiet, her eyes fixed on the oximeter. They both had to pee.

_Twenty minutes. Twenty minutes until Kotka, that's all. Nineteen minutes. Sixteen, come on, it's okay. Twelve. Ten minutes. Breathe. Calm down, it's almost over._

The planet that appeared at long last before them was a big ball of blue, with large areas of white, grey and a little green. _Water!_ , Rey instinctively rejoiced, before mentally cringing.

"Okay, now move with the flow", Poe said, unaware of his poor choice of words. "Slowly. Don't attract attention. There, behind that corvette."

"Yes, I know!", she snapped back.

"Oookay..." He said wide-eyed, sitting back.

"Sorry, I - I'm nervous."

"No problem. Had better days myself."

She had never seen so many ships at the same time. Thousands of them, from one-seaters to large cruisers, were all either leaving through a giant central gate, or obediently queuing up behind an endless, tight control grid of portals surrounding the entire planet. She wondered how they would ever get out of there. As if reading her mind, Poe said: "Don't worry. They all look nastier than they really are. They're mostly there to appease big traders. Politics..."

"What's that?"

"What, politics?"

"Yes."

Poe opened his mouth and stopped mid-breath, squinting.

"Yeah, well, that lesson's gonna have to wait, I'm afraid."

"Lesson?"

"Yeah, you'd need more than one... Later, later", he said, pointing at the rear radar display. There was no sign of the First Order. Yet. "I told you we'd need a story, remember? I got one, but you need to let me speak, okay? Your name's Kaytlin Klips, that's all you need to know. Repeat it."Poe instructed.

"What?"

"We need –"

"Oh, okay. Tayklin Lips."

"Klips. Kaytlin Klips."

"Kaylin Klips.

"Kaytlin", he corrected again. "Kaytlin Klips."

"Kaytlin Klips. Kaytlin Klips. What kind of name is that?"

"A registered one, and a real tongue twister for sure, I give you that. Trust me."

They finally reached the metal ring and waited.

"A tongue – what?"

He turned to face her. "You don't know what a tongue twister is? Damn, kid, you need to –"

"Identification!", barked a low female voice.

Poe gestured for Rey to switch the mic on. "699-4A6-70K", he said. She did a double-take, startled by the completely different voice suddenly coming from Poe. She then proceeded to mouth her alias over and over again, only to be stopped by him nudging her. He was looking down at the radar, a somber expression on his face. The radar had turned from full of dots to almost entirely bright red at its bottom, and there was evidence of one or several collisions happening behind them. He noticed a bigger ship. They had been tracked all right. Even if he had assumed the worst, Poe still couldn't believe it. They should've lost them at that blue giant. _There must be a tracker in here, or they've_ really _made some big-ass progress._

After a few seconds, the voice resounded again. "Work or leisure?"

Rey was bewildered by the question. Traveling for leisure seemed a thing from another galaxy. Poe didn't respond right away, his eyes still on the radar.

"Oh, sorry, leisure", he replied in the same high nasal voice, certain that TIEs weren't heading directly towards them. So, no standard tracking device was on their ship, but couldn't they use their new tech to track them down now? Or that just worked in frikking light-speed? This didn't make sense at all to him.

There was another pause, longer this time.

"Explain headcount!" The voice made them both jump.

"We're honeymooners. I'm Jet Klips and I'm with my wife –"

"Kaytlin Klips!" Rey exclaimed before turning around swiftly, a look of shock at how loudly she had said it, and as if to ask whether or not she'd said it right. Poe gave her a look. For a split second, he thought she was adorable, before slipping back into character.

"So why in an old Z-95, you may ask? That sure's an antique, and no room for luggage, no, no! But there's all the fun, he-he! All close together in a cockpit, there's room for somethin' else, if you know what I mean, he-he! We're fan of the Isaka holos, you see. Have you seen those? Well, that's our little _Moonlight Adventure_! And…well, we're not very… very _opulent_ , you see. I bought this beautiful lady – the ship, not my wife, he-he-he! Sorry, honey. Anyways… I bought it with the dowry, you see, and here we are, on this wonderful adventure together! This is our first time on Kotka, and d'you know how we chose our destination? Not for the weather, no, no! My folks said: Why not Sentir or Takodana? Why, that gotta be more symbolic than that, I said. Future little Klipses gotta come from somewhere special, hey? Not that we could afford Takodana, he-he! Anyway, so you see, we're from a small village called Kirshe and my name's Klips, you see, and my wife's name's Kaytlin, and my mother's name's _Klarisse_ and my _brother_ 's name's –"

"Clear."

"Well, close enough, he-he! Why, thank you Ma'am and have a nice day! Or night, he-he!"

The light around them turned green.

When he saw Rey wasn't moving, Poe gritted his teeth and bent over to take the commands and switch the mic off, then exhaled loudly, back to his normal self, a look of pain on his face. He slowly guided them towards the main continent, his eyes still on the radar. The two ships that had waited behind them passed quickly, but the next didn't. He saw hundreds of queues behind them beginning to grow suddenly. A filter block had been ordered. Another minute, and they would've had to force their way in.

"Hold on, things are gonna get tricky. Won't get long till they raise the alert. We gotta change our course." Of what course he had initially been thinking, she had no idea.

Heading to the capital city was too obvious now. Instead, he directed the ship towards a high-altitude hyperway, mingling with hundreds and hundreds of other ships flying straight to Kotka's second largest trade center: Tampere. She let him pilot, quiet, facing away. Her cheeks and entire right side felt hot. When they were about to land however, she finally regained her voice.

"You sounded like a completely different person", she said in a small voice.

"That's called acting, honey."

"Don't call me that." She brusquely ordered, her voice low. "And I'm not a kid either".

He glanced at her. There had been no humor at all in her tone and she looked completely serious. "I'm sorry", he simply said, taking a mental note never to do that again.

He avoided the main docks and landed right behind what looked like a large hangar instead, parking in a sea of speeders and small shuttles.

"Follow me", he said, but he grunted as he lifted himself off the seat, and had trouble climbing down the hull. As soon as his feet touched the ground, he turned to see Rey already there, waiting. "It's really not as bad as it looks, just overworked joints, I'll be all right."

She silently presented her hand to him.

"I thought we'd already done that – the introduction part?"

She gripped his hand and started walking, Poe failing to contain a cry of pain. She stopped and gave him a look. Defeated and a bit stunned by the situation, he let her put an arm around him, slightly lifting him.

"Really, Rey, it's not that bad."

"Sshhh!"

A siren made them jump. Poe focused on the building ahead.

"There, up ahead! That door – d'you see it?"

"Yes!"

Poe disentangled himself from her and ran as fast as he could, but tripped on one of the steps leading to the door. After eventually accepting her help, they soon found themselves inside a huge trade gallery, all bright lights and colors and pairs of eyes everywhere. Rey turned right, only for Poe to tug her to the left. "Clothes!" he breathed.

They entered the first crowded little shop. "Sales season, perfect", Poe whispered. He swiftly grabbed two colorful robes and hats and exclaimed, this time in his own voice: "What?! What do you mean someone stole it?! What do you mean? Don't tell me… You looked everywhere? No, tell me you have it. Tell me you have it, stars, please. No, no, this is not happening. Tell me this is not happening. I _knew_ I shouldn't've given it to you! I _knew_ it! Stars, what are we gonna do? What am I gonna do?" His voice cracked. Rey watched, mystified. "Stars, she's waiting for me, the baby's almost there, stars! Why now, why today?! Oh, what am I gonna do? We can't go like that, all dirty, I told you, she'll kill me, mom will kill me! And all the money and the papers, stars, the papers! What am I gonna do?" He was sobbing now _, actually sobbing_. Everyone was watching. Rey heard gasps. She was speechless. Poe stepped on her foot, hard.

"I'm so sorry, it's - it's okay, don't worry, she'll understand", she managed to say.

Rey glanced at all the faces in front of her. Every single one of them appeared to believe every word he had just said. Some were looking down, embarrassed, while others were staring, either gaping at him or visibly moved. A being from a species she'd never seen was looking at Poe with two pairs of huge, moist eyes. An old lady reached for something in her handbag.

"Here, my poor babies, I'll pay for the robes. So, it's a boy? Congratulations! Is it your first?"

"No, no, no, don't, it's okay, I'll –" Poe mimed trying to regain his composure.

"Poor honey, I wanna help too, here, I'll pay for the hats."

"Congratulations!"

"D'you need a ride?"

"Thank you, thank you. No, that's okay. Oh, you're so nice, how can – Yes, it's a boy, thank you. Yeah, yeah, it's my first. Jet, like his grandpa. Oh, thank you so much, you don't know what it means to me."

Walking out the shop after countless handshakes, Poe stayed in character until they reached an exit door, but almost tripped twice. After turning away from a busy street to a cul-de-sac, they quickly put on their disguises over their own clothes and, now clad in a long blue and purple robe, a bright yellow hat on her head, Rey felt absolutely ridiculous. However, everywhere she'd looked, people had seemed to be wearing bright multicolored robes, and every head was covered. Later, she noticed the yellow hat was apparently trendy, and she even spotted a girl wearing the exact same robe. Poe had an orange and brown one, with touches of gold on the collar. His hat was brown, like most men they passed. After a few yards down the same street, he suddenly stopped, his face distorted with pain.

"Sorry. Need to rest for a bit."

"No. Come, I have an idea."

She dragged him by the arm towards a cantina, and sat him down at a terrace table that had just been cleared.

"We don't have –"

"I know. I'll be right back", she said, before vanishing in the sea of hats. He wondered if he had the time to go pee.

"You all right there, sir?"

He turned to see a _very_ handsome man bending over him, and caught a glimpse of his dark skin under his bright green, low-cut robe.

"Yeah, well, bad lunch…", he smiled, not being able to stop himself from peeking again at his chest. He could almost see his nipples. _Kriff, if we weren't at war…_

"Oh, ouch, bad luck. You should drink limon, it helps a little."

"Yeah, thanks, I'll do that."

The man took the seat next to him. _Kriff, why do I always have to be obvious… Was I that obvious with Finn too?_

"I'm Map", he said, his eyes smiling, and then he ran the tip of his tongue along his bottom lip. _Oh, my…_

"Jet. And I'm not alone."

Map sat up, visibly disappointed.

"Oh. Well, whoever you're with is one lucky being. You sir, are gorgeous". His tone and the expression on his face were so sexual that Poe shivered.

"Thank you", he said, smiling with the same seductive eyes. Map didn't go.

"You sure you don't wanna... have a drink some other time? When your special one's away?"

"Nah, we'll have to leave it at that, Map. But it was very nice to meet you; you're not bad-looking yourself."

Map gave him a long look.

"All right. Still hope to see you around, though. I'm here every Saturday night." He winked at a smiling Poe unconsciously biting his lip, then finally walked away.

Something was shoved into his lap. A small canvas bag full of –

"I got 90, here's half in case we get separated. Let's go", Rey whispered in his ear. He put the bag into his partially burned satchel.

"Hello, dear customers, sorry for the wait, what would be most –"

She grabbed his arm before the droid could finish.

"How did you –" Poe started.

"No time. Keep your head low." He spotted a peace-keeper patrolling right next to the cantina. They walked arm in arm down the street, then took a right turn and walked up a wide steep avenue with heavy traffic.

"We _should_ separate", he breathed out. "They must be looking for –"

"No. You're too weak!"

She pushed him into an alleyway.

"Too –", he couldn't even repeat it. He huffed. "Look, I told you, I can perf –"

"Shhh! There!"

Above a white porch overflowing with green, big flowery letters read "CARNATION HOTEL - RESTAURANT".

Poe sighed. "Smile, look happy", he whispered, just before the door slid open.

"Good afternoon!", a tall droid wearing a white lace apron chanted. "What can I do for you?"

 


	11. Falling

* * *

Black bones and ash.

He stared at _it_ for a long moment, not bothered in the slightest by the additional weight.

Black bones and ash.

This felt right. It was almost like déjà vu, as if he had always been meant to see _it_ , to be here at this very moment.

Black bones and ash.

It was in his blood. His entire life was already drawn; a black, straight line of ash. This _was_ right.

So why was his face wet?

* * *

“BB8! BB8, no, what are you doing? What – What is _he_ doing?”

“Finn, are you receiving? A88-054-635! Go, now! That’s an order! I repeat:  A8 –”

The stars were already stretching out around them, cutting their connection with the Falcon.

“No! NO! Go back! Rey and Poe are still out there! We have to go back! No, no, listen to me, _listen to me_! They need our – OW!”

He was shocked to the ground by something while trying to reach the commands. When he sat up, R2D2 extended his weapon again, but was stopped by BB8.

“Wait, wait, listen to me. Listen to me!” He was almost sobbing now. “This is Rey and Poe we’re talking about. BB8, your _master_! How can you leave your master behind, and my – my – this is Rey we’re talking about, okay? Now, listen to me, they need our help, do you understand?”

“ _Wrry-wrry-nahweeeekoo-brakap-boo-braahpik-karookak-bloppeeeekrraak-wrry-bokazzeeeeeh-nohk”._

Panting, Finn squinted at the older droid.

“Can you write that down?”

Something sprung out from R2D2 and plugged itself into the control panel. A loud, monotonous, metallic voice made Finn jump.

“Specific orders: reasonable. Cruiser: not heavily armed. Enemies: too numerous. Chances of survival: null.”

“I can’t. I can’t leave them. BB8, please, _please_. They can’t be caught.”

The smaller droid was silent, its head a little down. After a moment, it emitted a low defeated whine, then a few beeps. Finn looked at his new translator, and sure enough the voice came back.

“No choice. R2D2: correct. But Friend-Rey: very strong, good protector. Friend-Poe: with Ekko Asty or with her? Friend-Poe: badass pilot. Hope: necessary.”

* * *

“That is why my mistress always keeps them in-doors, although other varieties do need direct sunshine; but I digress. Now, my Lady, good Sir, if you will follow me, your room is on the second floor. This waaaay!”

The fugitives followed the cheerful, chatty droid up some stairs covered with myriads of little flower paintings, and passed an old couple dressed in matching yellow, Poe almost amused by the whole situation. There was some soft, melancholic music. Rey felt completely alien. She didn't believe for a second that they made a credible couple. _I'm far too young for him_ , she thought. She almost tripped on a cat-like little pet wearing a tutu. _What the_ \- This was like an absurd dream leaving the dreamer dumbfounded afterwards, wondering why their mind had conjured up such a whimsical narrative for no apparent reason. They both acted mellow and curious as best they could and when the droid finally reached the door to their room, they simultaneously blurted out: “Where’s the fresher?”

They looked at each other, taken aback.

“It is of course included in your room", the droid answered while opening the door. "Notice the exquisite –”

“Thank you, but we need some time alone now”, Poe said, a little too bluntly.

“Oh – Ooooh. Of course, Sir. Dinner will be served from 7 to 10:30. Tonight’s menu features a delicious Pandori salad followed by divine crisp-steamed oryp chicken. If you ever need anything, press this little buttercup right here, or the one over the bed. I wish you two a wonderful honeymoon! Excuse me. Thank you, my Lady. Oh, to be young and human!”

Rey said: “Go first, but hurry!”

He didn’t need to hear it twice. He limped his way into the room and turned around, looking for the door to the fresher. He froze. It was an open space, the only separation being an arch-shaped wooden panel with sculpted vines, birds and flowers. _Great. Just great. Kriffing fantastic._

Rey had walked straight across the room towards the only window, probably both to get rid of some of the heady smell of scented candles and to get as far away from Poe as possible in the relatively small space. Once she had opened it, she turned and froze just as he had, making the same adorable funny face Poe had earlier seen, before swiftly facing away, her hands flying to her face like a child. “I won’t look!”, she blurted out. _She **is** a child_ , he mused.

An abrupt sense of intimacy gave her goose bumps when the very loud and very long sound of Poe emptying his bladder came from behind her back. She leaned out the pretty windowsill, trying her best to concentrate on the chirping of birds on the opposite rooftop.

Embarrassed, Poe gritted his teeth, and upon closing his zipper found himself face to face with the horridly corny portrait of a famous opera singer, framed with flowers of course. He didn’t know what he wanted more: hide under the bed – and have a good nap there – or laugh hysterically. Instead, he walked to the sink, washed his hands, had a look at himself – his cheek was still a little puffy – then drank a lot of water. When it was her turn, they passed each other in silence, keeping their heads down.

A water toilet… Why was that even a thing? And there probably was a water shower too... right there, with a large basin under it... All that waste made her cringe. Even if she knew the planet was filled with the precious liquid, having to pee in water still felt so unnatural, so shocking to her that she felt like an offender putting her pants down and sitting over it. And the fact that he would _hear_ her, that he was _right there_ … What if he turned around? All of a sudden, she realized that she didn’t really know him. No, she didn’t know him _at all_. He had sounded like a pervert in that ugly, nasal voice. What if he really was a pervert? And then he had called her _honey_. He wasn’t acting anymore then. And the way he had _looked_ at that man, biting his lower lip... She cast a quick glance to her left. He was looking out the window, but it did nothing to relax her; on the contrary, it only struck her even more that he was _right there_. Her naked thighs were numb and started trembling; she felt _exposed_ , and kept glancing back at him, all of her senses in alert in case she had to spring up and attack.

“Nice place. His mistress sure has exquisite taste… Not enough flowers, though.” Still no peeing. “There’s room right there for a lilac painting”, he continued, pointing at one of the only empty spots on the wall next to the window. “Would go nice with the poppy one up there”, he pointed to the other side. “Can’t wait to suggest that to her”. He clapped his hands together and went on in a loud voice. “So, Pandori salad and chicken, huh? Can’t wait. He didn't talk about dessert, though. I hope it's included. I’ll honestly be really disappointed if it isn't. I bet they have lukums, flower lukums. Flower sorbet, flower pie… Is that a thing, though, flower pie? I've had carrot cake. So why not flower pie? Buttercup pie, hollyhock pie, daisy pie...”

Rey’s breathing slowed to the sound of his voice, and her body finally relaxed. She felt so stupid for having doubted him. Here he was, awkwardly cracking some lame jokes just to try and make her less embarrassed; and it worked. She was still mortified, but not as much. Feeling grateful and even a little bit amused, the faintest of smiles formed in the corner of her mouth.

When she was done, he turned to the white bed and lay down on his back with a sigh of relief. He was fast asleep within seconds. With the intent to keep watch, she sat down in one of the two soft armchairs at the foot of the bed, but exhaustion quickly took the better of her.

* * *

"What do you mean you don't know? You didn't track the ship down?"

"We did, Sir, but only through the light-speed radar tracker. The ship was too old for us to hook their sig -"

The man was lifted against the wall and emitted a few gurgling sounds before a chilling crack ended his life, his body collapsing like a puppet.

The other three men in the room could hear their own heartbeats in their ears.

"How many of you went after her?"

He loomed towards them and stopped in front of the first one.

"We were 35 TIE fighters apart from the main ship, Sir."

"Pardon me, Sir -" began another voice, but Kylo Ren went on.

"What ship was it?"

"A Z-95 headhunter, Sir."

This one was quicker. His neck snapped just as he cried out.

He stopped in front of the next one; much younger, he noticed.

"You were slower than an 80 year-old ship? Look at me. I said, look at me!"

"Pardon me, Sir, but I have additional information", the last one interjected again. Was he trying to _protect_ the other?

He threw him against the opposite wall, his skull colliding hard with a control screen.

"Tell me", he faced the young one again, before looking down. The man had peed his pants.

"You said "she", Sir, but they were two. She - put an unconscious man on board before - please, please."

"Describe him."

"Please, Sir, I -"

"DESCRIBE HIM!"

"Dark hair, light to tanned skin, black leather jack - No, no, aaah!"

He had ignited his saber, then cut the man in half with a wild howl of hot rage.

* * *

She woke up four hours later to cheeping birds and children's voices, the setting sun casting a bright patch of orange light on the bed over Poe’s legs. He hadn't even bothered to take his boots off and was still in the same position, snoring faintly. She looked at the pink clock: 8:30. She stood up, stretched and looked out the window. Two children were playing with marbles in the small courtyard. No sign of stormtroopers. The monotonous noise of traffic, voices and distant laughter were all she could hear from the streets beyond. How were people still laughing and going about their daily lives as if nothing was going on, seemingly ignoring the fact that an evil organization could blow their entire planet off, just like the Hosnian system? This was absurd. It didn’t feel real. Nothing felt real.

She turned away from the window and her eyes were drawn to Poe's face. He was frowning a little and breathing through his mouth. She studied his lines; his eyebrows, his nose, his jaw. She felt lucky to be able to contemplate him like that, unnoticed. _That's creepy. You're being creepy!,_ she admonished herself _._ She quietly resumed her spot on the armchair and waited. She really wanted to take a shower, but didn't dare. Just when she wondered whether she should wake him up, she heard him inhale deeply, and then he was erratically breathing, faster and faster. Her instinct made her rush up to him and lean over him but she stayed there frozen, unsure of what to do. She jumped back as he abruptly thrashed about with a yelp so raw, so unfiltered, so violently _private_ that it cut through her heart.

“Poe, wake up! POE!”

His eyes flew open and they were absolutely terrified. He was half gasping for breath, half whimpering. Scared he might start crying, she turned away. But he didn't. He just panted on, his breathing gradually coming back to normal.

“Sorry”, he mumbled after a moment.

She didn’t answer.

“Mind if I take a shower?”

Not looking at her once, even for silent approval since she remained speechless, he slowly stood up and walked to the bathtub, his back screaming in protest.

She heard shuffling, soft thuds of clothes being dropped, and then water.

She took a step back, sat on the bed, and closed her eyes. He was naked and wet a mere 15 feet from her, but all she could think of were his terrified face and the high-pitched cry that had escaped his mouth. She knew exactly how he’d felt in that instant, having too often woken up from horrible nightmares herself. The forced intimacy was so extreme and sudden... Naked through and through, she mused. Body and mind.

It seemed the Force Itself wanted her to see him vulnerable, again and again. First aboard the Falcon, drooling on his shirt, and just then on that bed. In a blur, she remembered Gôhn. She’d screamed his name, thinking it was too late, the flames already all around his motionless frame. Dozens of feet away, she had extended her hand as if she could reach him, and had lifted him into the air. She remembered _feeling_ the ground, its span, its heavy substances, and beneath it, a labyrinth of hidden chambers and corridors. She wasn't sure whether she had carried him to the ship, or if _she_ had been carried to it, as crazy as it sounded. Maybe something had carried her carrying Poe. Or someone. Leia, Luke, the Force Itself, or all of them at once – she didn’t know. That was all she could put into words.

She pictured Poe behind her, naked and ashamed. She wondered how he had looked as a child and whether he’d had parents cuddling him to sleep. He dropped something into the tub, the sound startling her. What did a man look like down below? She couldn't remember ever seeing one unclothed down there, although there had been a few narrow escapes. Must be no different than other mammals, she pondered. A flash of Ben's naked chest made her shudder.

The water stopped. She heard him step out and wipe his body with a towel. The room was now filled with a sweet, humid, flowery scent, mixed with some other smell; stinky feet, she realized, slightly amused.

He didn’t speak. When the bed sank under his weight behind her, she stood and walked to the shower. He didn’t need any cue to stand back up and walk around the bed to sit where she'd been, facing away.

Despite trusting him now, she couldn’t help but keep facing the bed just in case, and started to undress. Her eyes fixed on the back of his head, she shivered from head to toe, and kept trembling even under the heavenly warm water. All that water... This was so wrong on so many different levels. She failed not to think about the fact that he had just stood there, naked like her. An insane impulse made her linger long after she'd washed herself clean, water running along her exposed body, staring at his shoulders moving to the rhythm of his breathing. It was too slow, too even. He was trying to calm himself down. _She_ was breathing too hard, she realized, and she felt a throbbing that made her suddenly turn the tap off, step out and finish in a rush. _Of course he's trying to relax, he's just had a nightmare._ When she got a look at herself in the mirror, she felt absolutely disgusted with herself.

“I didn’t thank you; for saving me. Thank you", came his voice behind her.

She couldn't find her voice. Was that what he had been thinking about? Had his nightmare been about Gôhn? The fire? Leia?

“We can’t stay long. They’ve probably found the Z for some time now; won’t be long 'till they search every hotel and ask for recently registered couples, though a place like that won’t be their first guess, that's a given”, he huffed, running his hand over his face. How ridiculous. He was in a little flower-themed hotel with a Jedi girl in the middle of a war, having just almost burned to death. Of course he had to have a kriffing nightmare about his mom right there and then. There had not been enough drama. And they’d peed next to each other. And showered. _Thank you, thank you **very** much_ , he had addressed the Force while hearing Rey shower. _Porny Finn lookalike almost explicitely asking me to bang him? Perfect._ _**Just** what I needed. Doesn't beat wet, naked Jedi, though. Really, you've outdone yourself there. Where d'you get all that inspiration?_

He wondered what was next. _This hotel might end up in history books,_ he realized, laughing to himself _._ His stomach answered.

“Let’s go eat, fast.”

The dining room didn’t disappoint. Poe had a small fit of laughter when they entered a veritable den of sappiness. He was soon able to control himself, but the look she gave the table mats almost made him lose it again, and he occasionally chuckled through his nose as they waited in silence to be served, still avoiding each other's eyes. Rey was just nervous. She had never used cutlery and again felt trapped in an absurd dream. When the salad was finally before her, she did her best to imitate him. She felt like a baby.

Her first bite shocked her through her core.

Poe initially thought she was going to spit the food out, but then she swallowed and went for another and it dawned on him: this was her first time eating a proper meal; maybe her first time eating fresh food. After realizing that heart-breaking fact, Poe couldn’t help but keep casting discreet glances at her. She froze every time she ate something new and was clearly doing her best to push all of her emotions down and stay collected. But her hands were trembling a little, her eyes blinking too often. He imagined what her life must have been like on Jakku and what she must be feeling right now. A warm wave of tenderness for her surprised him. He noticed she hadn't touched any of the cherry tomatoes yet, maybe thinking the bright red fruits would be too much. He hoped she would try one; they were the best cherry tomatoes he'd ever tasted himself. When she finally brought one to her mouth, he held his breath, and wasn't disappointed. She actually looked like she was about to burst into tears, then huffed - or sobbed, he wasn't sure - and then looked up and smiled directly at him, unfiltered, glee in her eyes.

It was at that very instant that he fell in love with her.

He instantly pushed the overwhelming feeling down, viciously protecting himself from it. _No, don’t. Too young. Jedi. War_. She must have seen something in his eyes because she abruptly stood up and asked for the nearest fresher.

The look on Poe's face was still imprinted on her retina as she tried to calm herself down in the confined space. She had expected him to look amused, to laugh, but he'd just been smiling so softly at her. There had been something in his eyes... Empathy, tenderness, happiness. It was as if he'd been witnessing something rare, beautiful and precious. _Love_ , she thought. And then his smile had vanished. He had realized something, maybe the very same thing _she_ had realized. A line from the ancient poem echoed in her mind: _by Fire shall be bound._ If that was her destiny, to die fighting Kylo Ren, then she had nothing to lose. She came back on autopilot.

He quickly glanced at her when she sat down. She looked different; not at all like the shy and hesitant girl who had left the table in a hurry. She was still looking down but sat stiff as a statue; strong, powerful. The aura was back. He tried not to look at her during the rest of the meal, but he simply _had_ to see her face when she lifted her first spoon of rose ice-cream to her mouth. She froze, just like before, then stared at the pink dessert for a long moment, Poe unable to read her expression. She was thinking.

Mustering all of her courage, she looked up right into his eyes, taking him completely off guard, and said, almost whispering: “This is very good."

“Yeah”, he simply answered, before abruptly standing up and excusing himself.


	12. Madness

* * *

“Are you out of your mind? Do you even know who they were? Some of our finest elite units from sector 68! You can’t just – eliminate who you please, Ren! And why? Your orders were absurd! They could’ve obliterated their last two ships in an instant! The girl could’ve waited! Are you expecting me to –”

Choking him would soon become routine, and that fact pleased him, _a lot_. Snoke had been right, though: however annoying, Hux was useful. He released him quickly.

“Go back to your little rebel hunts, General. I’ll take care of _the girl_ who single-handedly killed our Supreme Leader along with all of his guards. _The girl_ is the priority. She has to be dealt with before anything else. Understood?”

“Yes”, Hux croaked.

* * *

Fifteen hours. Fifteen hours until the next planet. Fifteen hours of not knowing whether Rose would survive the trip without bacta, of not knowing whether Rey and Poe had been captured. He didn’t even know if the Falcon and the cruiser he was in right now were still being tracked by the Order, and he could do absolutely nothing but wait. Jax didn’t turn out to be much of a talker. He stayed at a table, looking down, avoiding Finn’s eyes. Finn realized it had to be out of shame for having fainted on Gôhn.

“It’s not your fault, you know. That gravity, that whole planet... It was hard for all of us. I almost passed out myself.”

“You did?”, the young man said, looking up.

“Yeah”, Finn lied, “don’t blame yourself; it could’ve happened to any of us, and we’d already put you on board when they attacked, so you didn’t slow us at all, don’t worry.”

Jax looked a tiny bit more relaxed after that; some of the shame was gone, Finn observed, pleased with himself. He’d always been the one to reassure others, comfort people and lighten the mood, even in desperate times. They exchanged a few faint smiles, then Jax left the main deck to get some rest.

Time stretched endlessly, minutes going by in slow motion. Finn was not used to having nothing to do. In fact, it was his very first time in that situation. He explored the ship for four hours, returning to the same rooms over and over, examining insignificant details in a desperate attempt to quiet his mind. He found himself in a rather fancy bunkroom, staring at a strange abstract painting, trying to figure out what it could mean. During all that lonely time, it was hard to stop his mind from straying to very dark places. The painting was mainly composed of wide streaks of red and gray, with a few little yellow spots. In a daze, he decided it represented life itself: long, long years of pain and suffering with a few little flashes of happiness: Rey, Rose, Poe. He listed all the possible outcomes of the war, and lingered on the most horrible one, considering the exercise as simple self-preservation. He needed to be prepared if it actually happened, and so he imagined them all dead. All of them; gone. The possibility was so close to being real. In fact, it may already be. It was as if his entire life were hanging by a thread. _If they all die, then I'll just pretend all of this was a dream_ , he mused. These people he’d just met, that new life: a mere fleeting hope, shooting stars in his memory, forever. He pictured himself as an old man, still owning Poe’s jacket, alone and recluse somewhere in the Outer Rim, dreaming about those dead people he called friends for a few days, and imagining what could have been. _If they all die, I’ll kill myself_ , he suddenly decided. He couldn’t sleep.

When the excruciating wait finally ceased, he felt like a drowning man finally sucking air back into his dying lungs. BB8 established an instant connection with the Falcon, and he immediately demanded news of Rose, half-convinced she was dead. He’d prepared himself so much that when he heard she wasn’t, he jumped, shouted and laughed, ecstatic, then made a dash towards one of the bacta bags, ready to jump out of the cruiser and sprint to the old ship.

Before they could land however, they were suddenly surrounded by a mysterious squadron of a dozen weirdly-shaped fighters. At first believing they were attacked, Finn and Jax bolted to the gunner station, before a transmission was received. Their leader spoke simultaneously to both ships, introducing her squadron, and the crew of the Falcon erupted in cheers upon hearing its name.

“Rebel Seekers to Millenium Falcon. Confirm identity.”

“Millenium Falcon to Rebel Seekers. We are the Resistance. We need your help.”

Before they could respond, unknown ships appeared out of nowhere and instantly opened fire. TIE fighters. The woman’s voice shouted coordinates just as the small ships began to strike back, protecting them. There were only four TIEs; it didn’t take long for their new allies to shoot three of them down, but the last one was tenacious. Their next destination was a few seconds away, and then they received a new set of coordinates, then another, before they finally stopped, out of fuel and certain the Order had lost them.

They landed at long last on a green moon, in an improvised docking station hidden inside a strange forest. Finn jumped out of the still opening door of the cruiser and hit the ground too hard, but he didn’t care. The Falcon was a hundred feet away, and he ran as fast as he could, pressing the bacta bag against his chest. Rose was in a coma, but alive, _alive_. Finn stayed by her side for three days, not caring about anything else but news from Rey and Poe. There were none. He clung to Rose’s hand as if for dear life. At least he had her. _I still have her._

* * *

 “General, permission to deliver report.”

“Permission granted.”

“There is evidence of additional uprisings in the Konshi, Lenaic and Veynian systems. Repression is under way on Veynian I, but the terrorists are proving to be more organized than we initially thought. Three squadrons were immediately sent. Shall I review that number?”

“Double it.”

“Yes, Sir. May I go on?”

“You may.”

“Uprisings have significantly increased in number in the last two days. There is evidence of new rebel propaganda, crafted after our response to Rakkor’s terrorist attacks. Such –”

“What happened in the Konshi system?” Hux spat out.

“Eight troopers were cowardly murdered, Sir. Three terrorists were eliminated, one is still being questioned.”

“Keep him alive for as long as possible. And on Lenaic?”

“Children with sticks attacked and stole an ore convoy . They won’t get very far, Sir.”

“ _Children_? What do you mean with _sticks_?”

“I mean sticks, Sir. Wooden sticks.”

“Is this a joke? Are you laughing at me?”

“Not at all, Sir. Our troopers in those mines are not the smartest, Sir.”

“Send two squadrons. Kill them all. No mercy. Is that all?”

“No…There is something else, Sir.... Rumors of deserting on Anaxes. But no confirmation yet.”

“ _Deserting_?”

“Yes, Sir. Stormtroopers. A small group of them. But nothing –”

“Track down the source of those rumors. If they turn out to be well-founded, execute code 13. I want them all alive.”

“Yes, Sir.”

* * *

Rose woke up the fourth day, fully recovered. It had been five days since he had last seen Rey and Poe… _Almost as long as I’ve known them_ , Finn realized. Rose looked at him with utmost devotion. “You saved me”, she whispered. “ _You_ saved _me_ ”, he replied. He wondered if he had to kiss her. She looked down at his lips, but he just couldn’t. She smiled sweetly at him.

“Don’t worry, you don’t have to kiss me too, you know.”

 _I don’t?_ Finn reflected, confused.

 _Kiss_... Just from the sound of it, Finn immediately understood what the word referred to. _So that's how it's called..._

Later that night, they found themselves relatively alone after finishing a nice meal before a campfire, and Rose said, staring at the flames: “It’s Rey, isn’t it?”

“What?”

“Rey. You love her.”

“Of course I do”, he plainly answered, the pain his words triggered not even occurring to him for a second. Rose quietly took the blow, before thinking about the tone with which he had answered her. He was confused.

“You –”

“Oh, _oh_! You mean _love_ love!” Finn blurted out. She looked into his eyes. He looked away, then thought hard. After a long moment, he simply said: “I don’t know. I know I love her, and I always will, but – ”

Rose looked up, hope in her sweet, black eyes. “But?”

“I don’t know. I – I like you too.” And he couldn’t say more. She studied the ground. _Like, not love…_

“What about Poe?” she asked, taking him aback.

“What? What d’you mean? What about him?” he let out in one breath.

“I mean, do you love him too? Because he sure looked –”

“What? _What?!_ _No_! Why would you – How did – Look, listen, I – I’m not very good at… at getting… all that – the real world, okay? But I know he’s a man, and _I_ ’m a man and what you’re saying’s either not funny if it’s a joke, or… or – Poe’s my friend, okay? My _friend_.”

Rose was examining him with some emotion he couldn’t read. When he fell silent, she waited a little before telling him in a sweet voice: “Finn, you can like both genders, you know. Poe does, everybody knows that about him, and it’s okay.”

_What? **What?!**_

The fire emitted a loud crack.

“Well, I don’t.” 

“Okay. It’s okay. Everything is. Love is love; it’s as simple as that.”

He tried really hard to hide his bewilderment, but then, he _had_ to ask her.

“But –”

“Yes?”

“How – how…”

“How… does it work? Sexually?” she couldn’t believe the conversation they were having right now. “Well, it’s not very compli – ”

“Okay, okay”, he interrupted loudly. “I get it, okay. Thank you.”

Rose picked up a purple fruit and started peeling it. She looked sad. Why did she look sad? He looked up at the giant, magnificent blue planet above them, only a fraction of it visible and yet filling up a good half of the entire sky.

“I’m sure you’ll see her again. Rey. Poe too. I know it.”

Finn looked at his hands and sighed. “I hope so”, he said, adding after a moment: “I –  I think… I think I can’t live without her. Is that stupid?”

He glanced at her again. Her eyes were closed as if she was just basking in the warmth of the campfire, but he knew there was something else. An almost invisible smile appeared on her pretty face. “Of course not. You’re in love with her. It’s beautiful. You’re beautiful.”

He thought she looked like someone meditating, and took the opportunity to study her face. He remembered having it right in front of him, then the feel of her lips on his. The words came out of his mouth as if of their own volition.

“Can I kiss you?”

Her eyes flew open, and she slowly turned towards him. He realized with consternation that she was crying.

“But – I don’t understand, you said… Rey…”

His chest felt warm and heavy. He thought she was the sweetest being, her lovely voice shaky and her chubby cheeks streaked with tears.

“Yeah… I don’t know. I don’t know anything. Except maybe… this.”

They stared at each other.

“What?”

It was the same awkward, quick little peck, but this time coming from him. Completely baffled, Rose was frowning, searching his eyes. Yes, she definitely was the most adorable thing he had ever laid eyes on.

“Can I –”, he asked shyly.

She nodded in a daze, and he gave her another kiss, before suddenly realizing people were not that far from them. He turned and sure enough they were stared at. A hot mug between her hands, Kalonia was grinning; she quickly looked away. On her left, a merry old man was looking directly at him. He wiggled his eyebrows a couple times towards something, as if to discreetly show him where something was. Finn followed the direction of his gaze and frowned. The man was gesturing towards the tents. _What the hell?_ Giggling like a teenager now, the old man then sighed in contentment and mumbled something Finn couldn’t hear. When he looked back towards Rose, he spotted a couple a few feet behind her, grabbing at each other’s faces. _It looks like they’re eating each other_ , Finn thought with a shudder. 

“Finn?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you want to do that with Rey?”

Another difficult question that needed a long reflection.

“I don’t know.”

A long silence followed. Some people burst out laughing, and then loud, joyous music resounded. _Music…_ Something else he would never get used to…

“I don’t wanna die”, Rose said, Finn barely catching the words above all the music.

 _I need a manual_ , he thought. _A full instruction manual on life after being raised by the First Order. Yep, that’s what I need._

“Okay.” He fidgeted, his crossed legs becoming a little sore. “Me neither.” She was still as a statue. “What d’you mean? I mean… no offense but… who does?”

“No, my point is… I want to _live_.”

“That’s – yeah, okay.” He was reminded of the painting on the cruiser. “I’m not sure I’m following you here.”

Rose then said something so low he didn’t hear her at all. “I’m sorry, what? The music, I can’t hear you.”

“Do you –”, her voice broke. Finn stared at her, holding his breath. She swallowed, then looked right at him, her eyes as shiny and black as ever: “D’you wanna… sleep with me? Now?”

Sleep? _I slept with him_ … The line from one of the holovids he’d seen echoed in his head and his mind was completely blown. Shocked, he looked up right above her head, at where the kissing couple had been, but they were gone now. Some people were laughing and he abruptly turned towards them, but it was not at him. He stared at the fire, avoiding her eyes. Heat. Abrupt, uncontrollable, fast growing heat. _Forbidden_. Rose completely misinterpreted his reaction.  

“It’s okay, don’t worry about it. I – I know it’s crazy”, she huffed, trying to laugh it off and failing. “I just had to ask”, she added, finishing with a high sob. “Sorry.” She stood up.

Finn grabbed her hand. “No, wait! Don’t go. Just… sit down, please.” He took a deep breath as she sat back down, transfixed, next to him.

“Listen, I – I come from a place where all that love stuff… it’s – it just doesn’t exist.” She blinked, her mouth falling open. He looked down, the next words barely audible through the music. “What you just asked me… it’s… it’s not…you weren’t asking me to…to _mate_ with you, were you?”

She didn’t laugh, but it took all of her effort not to.

“Well, yeah, I – I did… I mean, you could say it like that, I guess. Is this how the First Order calls – making love? Doesn’t surprise me… Listen, Finn, I’m sorry I offended you. In our world, when we really, really like someone, that’s what we do. Sometimes. I mean, not all the time”, she clumsily explained.

“Really? Babies?”, he breathed out.

Rose froze, and this time burst out laughing before looking at him with the sweetest eyes.

“I’d really like that actually. To be a mom, one day. If I survive all this.”

“But…”

“We can have sex without making babies, you know.”

It was a revelation so absolutely mind-blowing he stayed speechless for several minutes, Rose still speaking to him and him not hearing a word she was saying.

“Why do you love me?” he suddenly asked. “You don’t know me. You just met me.”

“Yeah, it’s stupid, isn’t it? But it’s real. I can’t help it. You’re the bravest person I’ve ever met; you rebelled against everything you’ve ever known… doing what’s right… and… I really like the way you look… I can’t… fully explain it… I guess that’s what war does to people, you know? When you think you’re gonna die… knowing every minute can be your last… it makes things… more intense?” He slowly nodded and she softly huffed again, eyebrows high in an expression of disbelief. “It’s crazy! Everything’s _crazy_ , and feels… yeah…” Another tear ran down her cheek.

He watched flames dancing on her hands. Black hair, black eyes, bright soul full of love.

“I’ve never...” he began, the words getting stuck in his throat. “A few years ago, two troopers in our dorm were sent to reconditioning for that. We never saw them again.”

She looked at him with horror. “Love is _banned_ there?” she turned to the fire again, then said through clenched teeth. “Another reason to fight.” Her eyes softened. “I’m sorry. I hadn’t thought about all that, your life before you… rebelled.”

Silence. They both watched the fire dance and crack. Finn had never been more aware of his own body before. _You can have sex without making babies._ Another couple passed in front of them. Finn glanced at them disappearing inside a tent. A few minutes later, the music suddenly stopped for a short moment, and as someone struggled to put it back on, he heard them. Distant gasping, moaning and _slapping_ ; sounds so shocking to his ears that his hands automatically went up to protect them. He couldn’t remember when he had first learned to recognize them as death sentences. The music drowned them again. His entire right side next to Rose felt hotter than the fire before them, and he couldn’t feel his legs. _In our world, when we really, really like someone, that’s what we do._

“Show me”, he breathed.

Out of the corner of her eye, Kalonia watched as Rose disappeared into a tent, leading Finn by the hand.

* * *

_No, don’t._

Her body back on autopilot, Rey stood up, thanked the droid for the best meal of her life and left the dining room.

_I am a tool; a tool of the Force. It chose me. I am its **instrument** , nothing more. Nothing. _

The narrow corridor was empty. She walked slowly, liking the sound and feel of her shoes on the long carpet.

 _I have to kill him. I will kill him and that’ll be the end of it; the end of everything. I am going to die with him._ By fire shall be bound _. No life. No love. Nothing._

She stopped in front of the door.

_Don’t. It’s madness. **Madness**._

She took a deep breath and opened it.

The room was empty.

She slowly turned round the corner, but there was no one in the open fresher. She walked to the mirror and got a look at herself. She looked like a stranger with her hair down like that. She took the bottle of mouthwash and stared at herself doing that mundane task. When she was done, she turned to the bed, walked to it and sat down.

 _It’s been a while now; what is he doing? Examining the place, looking for back exits? What if he got caught?_ She reached out. _No agitation, no fear_. Her eyes closed, she _looked_ for him. After a moment, she stood up and went back into the corridor. She walked past a young couple going to their own room, big smiles lighting up their faces.

“Are you looking for your other half, my Lady? He went back to your room a few minutes ago. Is everything all right? I can bring some chamomile tea to – ”

“No, thank you.” She walked past the droid, went downstairs, turned around a corner and there he was. Suddenly an inch from his dark eyes, she tried one last time to contain the madness.

 _They’re too large_ , she thought. _There’s too much white in them; they’re too droopy._ Poe looked down at her mouth. _His nose is ugly, too long. His head is too big, his body too small. He’s small, weak. He’s **ugly**. Mouth too big, teeth wonky, lips – lips…_

_Don’t._

_It’s now or never._

She kissed him too hard, a violent rush to his opened mouth, their chins and teeth colliding painfully. He’d been about to speak. She had no idea what the hell she was doing. His eyes were even bigger now. He was completely stunned. She didn’t care; nothing could stop her now. She threw her face at him again, but was stopped by a firm hand on her chest, pushing her away. Hot, crushing shame hit her. He moved past her, and then he was gone.

_It’s over._

She closed her eyes and mouth as hard as she could to block the tears but they fell anyway.

 _I can’t do it. I don’t want to._ _I don’t want to be a Jedi_. _I don’t want to fight, I don’t want to kill, I don’t want to die. I want to make love. Why can’t I? Finn! Oh, Finn, where are you? I want to die. Finn!_

And then, as suddenly as he had left, he was all over her face, all around her, pushing her mouth, squeezing her. Her heart seemed to stop, the world coming to a halt. She saw things. Blurry eyelashes and closed eyes and furrowed brows. Gold, orange and brown. A blinding star. His soft eyes earlier in the dining room. She gasped for breath and grabbed his head. Vocal chords were vibrating; vibrating through him, vibrating through her. She heard a distant clink. A door closed; _someone’s there_. His lips were gone. The world was swaying. Her hand was pulled, her feet followed. Her heart was pounding, her core throbbing. Red carpet along the corridor. She liked walking on it. _Into the room, he’s leading me into the room_. The door closed behind her, the bed in front of her. His dark eyes appeared again, his face asking her a question, waiting. Neither of them could speak. Just as she was about to come back to her senses, the universe shrank again. His tongue, dear Maker, his _tongue_! Hot, wet and _weird_. They moaned in unison. It felt so good it scared her. And then he was gone again, eyes closed tight, a look of pain on his face. “No”, she sobbed. “Don’t stop. _Don’t stop_.” He crashed against her with another moan. More, more, _more_. Gasps of pleasure and tears of desperation. Their hands fought to grasp blindly at each other’s bodies, his ending up around her head, his mouth suddenly planting urgent little kisses everywhere on her face. Harsh breath against her ear. A stubbly cheek. Pounding hearts, reverberating everywhere. Another heart, another soul. His tongue against hers again, but slow now, so deliciously slow and deep.

_Oh!_

But then, the back of her knees hit the bed and she felt it, hot and hard against her hip. Fear overcame burning desire, and her instincts pushed him back. He froze and she got a good look at his face. He was _reading_ her; she looked down. He had a ring, a ring hanging against his orange robe from a chain necklace. Why hadn't she noticed it before? _Is he_ _married_? _How old is he? I don't know him. I know nothing about this man._ All of a sudden, she felt deeply intimidated by him. What was he thinking, looking at her like that? She couldn’t help but reach out, and then she saw herself through him: a frightened, inexperienced child acting on a whim, hormones fired up by war and fear. He couldn’t. Their bond snapped. He stepped back, a look of horror and shame on his face, and turned away. She felt the urge to beg again, but nothing came out. She watched him stop at the door and oddly rest both his hands on its frame besides his head, like a man being arrested against a wall. His head down, he was breathing hard. Was he hesitating? No, he was calming himself; again. She wanted to shout: _you’re wrong, I’m not a child!_

Her brain imprinted this image of Poe, committing it to her memory. _This is what I’ll remember_. _Him at that table, and him right now._ She didn’t see him walking out the door. She saw love walking out of her life. She sat on the bed and burst into tears.

An all too familiar voice cut through her sobs.

_“He would’ve disappointed you anyway.”_

 


	13. Freedom

* * *

_"He would’ve disappointed you anyway.”_

A chilling quake rippled throughout her every bone.

To her left, in front of the sculpted wooden arch, was Ben Solo. He stood still, eyeing her with the same unreadable expression as always, the poison of jealousy only a minute variation in it.

 _He **saw**_.

 **_Enough_** _!_

A feral cry escaped her mouth, her body springing up, her hand extending on its own to _hurt_ in whatever way possible, and then, across the thousands of systems that separated them, he felt it on his throat. She clenched, clenched and clenched around him. He couldn’t breathe.

 _“Yes. Do it. Kill me”_ , he urged her on even though he couldn’t speak.

The door burst open and, despite being deaf to the world, she let go of him at that instant. He inhaled hard, both of them panting. To her right, she felt Poe’s eyes on her, and then saw Ben turn towards him.

 _“He doesn’t know... How interesting."_ He paused, and then continued in as sweet a tone as ever: _“I’ll kill him. If he touches you again, I’ll cut him. Do you understand?”_

He took a step towards her, completely ignoring the pilot now looking in horror at her, then at where she was staring and then at her again.

“ _I felt you._ _I didn’t look for you; I felt you. I didn't ask for this to happen; it just happened. Why? Tell me. Go on, tell me why.”_

She had the same expression on her face as when she had been at his mercy, trapped on that torture chair, trying not to sob. His voice slightly higher, intimate, he went on: _“The Force keeps bringing us together, long after Snoke’s death. Why?”_

She didn’t want him to go on. She felt despair slithering inside her heart. But she didn’t stop him. Time slowed down around her, and she distantly felt Poe moving next to her. He was shouting her name in slow motion, no sound coming out of his mouth. She couldn’t look away from Ben and he was all she could hear.

 _“You know why. You know why but you’re scared; I get it. It’s okay. But why fight it? Because you can’t anyway. You just can’t.”_ A sob escaped her mouth. _“That’s it. Do you want me to say it for you?"_

 _No. Go away._ She wanted to speak, but just sobbed again instead.

_"You’re mine, and I’m yours. You’re mine and you know it.”_

A war was raging inside her soul. Something inside her knew he was right; the Force itself was proof. How could she resist it? With the same weight upon them, the same power, with that bridge linking them, they were two sides of the same coin. Unshakably, irreversibly, she was bound to him.  She felt trapped like a mouse.

But there was something else, something inside her that wanted to resist that truth. _What truth?_ _Whose truth? Who knows the Force’s true intents? Who must I believe? Old books and murderous snakes, or my own heart?_ Within her mind, she heard a distant voice. _Luke_. _“Yes, Rey, yes! You are a free being. Don’t let anything or anyone decide of your own path.”_

Kylo Ren’s calm, manipulative certainty was just turning into doubt when the vision vanished. In a second, time and space expanded back into their usual state and the room erupted in deafening noise.

“REY!” Poe was right in front of her face, yelling her name, his hands shaking her shoulders hard.

Someone banged on the door three times. He let her go, and she barely managed not to collapse on the floor, ending up on the bed instead.

“Hello? What’s going on in here? Is everything all right? Open the door!” A man’s voice said; not the droid this time.

“We have to go, now!” Poe whispered urgently.

“Yes!”, she abruptly shouted, her voice an octave lower than usual. Poe jumped. “We had a little fight but we’re okay now, thank you.”

There was no way in hell the man would buy that excuse, not with all the panicked yelling, Poe thought, and yet they heard him walk away, his footsteps soon dying out on the other side of the door.

“Follow me”, Rey said.

She got up, but stopped, Poe in front of the door. She suddenly realized she could still _feel_ him all over her face, the taste of rose ice-cream still in her mouth. She wiped her entire face with her hands and sleeves, a little too hard and a little too fast. They were both still panting. She looked at his shoes.

“How long?” He breathed out coldly.

She immediately understood what he meant from his tone, and looked up, discovering something in his eyes she had never seen before: anger.

“How long?”, he repeated, louder, _defiantly_. “Wasn’t the first time, was it?”

He got his answer from the look on her face, and a fire lit up his dark eyes, _changing_ him.

“You knew. You knew back in the Falcon. That’s what you wanted to tell me. But you didn’t. You _didn’t_.”

“You have _no_ idea what I’m going through. No idea!”, she spat.

“Gôhn…” He whispered to himself, not even listening to her. What he then saw in her eyes gave him confirmation again.

“What happened?"

No response.

"What happened on Gôhn?” He almost shouted.

“I saved you.”

“No, you _know_ what I mean.”

“You – it was a trap, you said it, you – they contacted the First Order as soon as we –“

“You’re lying. Why are you _lying_?” He said wide-eyed, stepping back, growing disgust on his face.

A loud thud could be heard from the corridor, followed by some commotion, voices and footsteps.

The tears came yet again. “We have a bond”, she finally confessed. “A Force bond. Snoke did it. I can’t help it and I _hate_ it. I can’t control it, but maybe… maybe I –”

“Could use it against him”, he finished for her, “but you don’t know how.”

She didn’t even nod, stunned at his immediate understanding. His face was back to normal, the anger and disgust gone. They stared at each other. He understood. _I love you_ , she simply thought. She felt so much in love with him at that instant that it physically hurt. He turned to the door and locked it.

“Window”, he whispered. Another series of bangs on the door. They climbed out the window into the warm night and walked along a steep roof, the smell of delicious cooking once again filling up their noses. Someone shouted. Poe almost slipped, but Rey caught his hand and held on tightly, leading him onto another roof, before letting go to slide down a gutter. Poe followed her, a little more slowly but with no help this time. They ended up in another courtyard, and as soon as his feet hit the ground, Rey took his hand in hers again, before quietly running towards an archway leading up into one of the many busy streets. Just before reaching it however, Poe froze next to a tree, pulling her to a stop.

“Poe?”

“Wait.”

"What are you -"

“Hey there", he said to the tree. There was someone there, hiding behind it. Rey looked and saw the scared face of a teenage boy in the shadows. He didn’t reply. She then realized he wasn’t alone. A girl his age appeared behind him, but he immediately shielded her back away from them. Looking right into his eyes, Poe spoke with no artifice this time.

“Listen kids, we’re in big trouble. Would you mind swapping clothes with us? You‘ll save our lives and probably the entire galaxy if you do; long story.”

“You’re from the Resistance?” The girl whispered, showing herself again. Surprised at her quick spot-on guess, Poe nodded, and then both kids stared at him, awe-struck for a moment, before the girl suddenly took her robe off and handed it to him, the boy then instantly doing the same. Rey and Poe quickly took their own robes off and put the new ones on, averting their eyes, the fleeting instant of nudity strange but almost insignificant given that death was once again looming over them. Poe felt a little pang when he realized he'd left his jacket in the room. _Another one gone..._ At least he still had the ring.

“Are you Rey?” the boy asked.

Rey’s head shot up. “How do you know my name?”

The two kids looked at each other, mouth agape, then back at her.

“Everyone knows your name! You’re Luke Skywalker’s apprentice!”, the girl whispered a little too loudly, eyes sparkling.

“Sssshhhh Sayra!”

“Are you Finn?” she asked Poe.

Some nearby shooting made all four of them jump.

“Don’t keep the robes, hide them for now – somewhere safe – then burn them a week from now. The Force be with you, kids”, the mysterious handsome man said in a rush, before disappearing into the night with the Jedi girl.


	14. Love

"We found them, Sir. Out of the 212 reports we've received from Tampere in the past hour, one mentions a witness having heard a man shout the name "Rey" in a hotel in the Botswa district to a woman previously registered as Kaitlyn Klips. Records show a Kaitlyn Klips entering Kotka almost 6 hours ago aboard a Z-95 headhunter with her husband. It all fits, Sir."

* * *

A brand new Nebulon-K frigate with improved combustion-shielding now temporarily served as the First Order’s headquarters. Aptly called the Tenebris, it had been in Kotka’s orbit for over five hours. The new Supreme Leader was pacing up and down its narrow black and white corridors, waiting for the inevitable report to jump into his Silencer and track his enemies down. He knew she was somewhere on that filthy planet, a pearl hidden inside the giant sea of commoners, yet no matter how much he tried, he couldn’t _see_ her; the door was once again tightly shut.

But it was only a matter of time now, he repeated to himself. Over 20,000 stormtroopers and almost 400,000 local peace keepers had been deployed to look for the two terrorists and bring them _alive_ to his ship. In addition, all borders had been strictly closed, Kotka’s rulers not even resisting them for a second, even with the infinite mess the abrupt order had inevitably triggered, and the billions of credits lost in the process. No ship could go out. He waited and waited. Visitors aside, Kotka’s population was roughly twelve billion. Right now, in the middle of spring trade, it held double that number. If they had chosen to separate, the wait could take weeks.

He was walking along corridor 5B for the fifty-seventh time when he felt her. A strange chill ran from his lower back up to his shoulder blades before turning into vertigo, the lights around him swaying, and he had to extend a hand and rest it on the nearest bulkhead to keep from falling. _She’s in danger_ , he initially thought. He tried to see her, to hear her, but he couldn’t. He closed his eyes to focus on the mere feeling, trying to define its exact source.

“Supreme Leader? Are you all right?”

It was gone. He turned towards the intruder who had ruined everything and the look on his face made the stormtrooper step back and stammer.

“S – sorry, Sir. I – I didn’t mean to intrude.”

He lifted his arm to kill, taking lives now becoming a drug, the adrenaline rush and final terror in his victims always so thrilling and oddly reassuring – _You’re a monster!_ – but before he could, the dizzying feeling came back. The trooper took advantage of the moment of weakness to run for his life.

Kylo Ren closed his eyes and focused on it, but the feeling disappeared as quickly as it had come. He rushed to his personal quarters, sat on his bed, and then tapped into the Force as if his own life depended on it. It only took a few seconds for him to catch it again, but this time it came clear and stable: a brisk, hot wave of pleasure. He gasped and abruptly stood up, his eyes flying open uncharacteristically wide, staring in shock at the black bulkhead in front of him. She was having sex. His other half of the Force, his equal, the virgin he so obviously knew she was, having sex with the Resistance pilot. _Him_ ; his own mother's pet. He closed his eyes again and dove towards the heat, vicious jealousy igniting his power, and suddenly, there they were before him. No, they were not quite having sex, not yet; the pilot was just _devouring_ her face.

He was so shocked by the sight he couldn’t move. He stared at them, transfixed. He’d never had sex himself, the idea of doing that with anyone having always seemed degrading and so very _weak_ to him. When he was eight, he had caught his father doing it to his mother and had never really been able to erase the memory.

He couldn’t look away. He didn’t _want_ to look away. He wanted Rey to see him. She would eventually, he told himself, and so he waited for it to happen, for her eyes to widen in horror, for the pilot to be denied what he'd never had himself. _What you'll never have._ He stood stiff as a statue as his own body began to react to their love-making. Was it pleasure or torture? Both? He couldn’t stop the voice in his head: _Look. Look at them. This is what you’ll never experience. Your soul is too tainted, your mind too dark, your heart too cold. You can have sex, you can take her, but you’ll never have this. You'll never know love.  
_

The pilot abruptly stopped. _“No, don’t stop, **don’t stop**!_ ” There was passion and desperation in the way she said those words, and as they crashed against each other again, he wondered how the hell this had happened in the first place. _Of course, look at him_. _He_ 'd held the pyre for his mother, he realized. It was _he_ who had served her; _he_ whom she must have thought of as her true son, the son he never was and he could never be now. _Too late._ Kind-hearted and compassionate, inherently good and so very handsome. _Perfect._ Rey had saved him. She had chosen _him._

He stared at his enemy, loathing him with all his soul as he planted urgent little kisses all over Rey’s face. _Rey…_ She was stunningly beautiful, her hair down and disheveled like that; her mouth slightly agape, panting, her eyes shut, eyebrows both high and furrowed, her cheeks wet with tears... She was gripping at the pilot’s ridiculous robe… _Ecstasy_. But then the man stopped again and hugged her, hiding her face from his own spying gaze. _I’ll kill him._ Tenderness...  _Weak_.  When had they even met? Near death experiences, escaping, hiding together… _He_ ’d created this. How ironic…

The pilot was keeping his crotch away, he suddenly noticed. The idiot was trying to contain himself, probably feeling guilty for trying to fuck a virgin he’d just met. Of course, how typically _good_. He imagined himself with both of them at his mercy. _It'll feel so good when I torture him in front of her; make him whimper, make him scream; make her cry, make her beg_. _And then I could fuck her after having sliced him open; fuck her right next to his severed head.  
_

_You’re a monster._

_Yes. Yes, I am_.

They were at it again, but this time the pilot’s restrain was gone. _They’re gonna fuck. They’re gonna fuck right in front of me and I can’t look away. Why is the Force making me see this? Why? I should’ve killed him when I had the chance. Killing him will feel so good, so good... Maybe as good as they’re feeling right now. Will she notice me? At what point will she notice me? When he’s buried deep inside of her? She’ll look up and see me. Yes. She is **mine**._

The moans were louder and they sent chills down his spine, and then it stopped. He watched their silent exchange _._ _She’s scared and he’s too good._ The pilot turned away and Ben's eyes smirked, glee peeking through the expressionless mask on his face. _Idiot._ When he was gone, he waited as she cried her heart out on the bed. _What did you expect? You need a real man, not a stupid, morally perfect doll._

When she screamed at him and choked him, the grip on his throat felt good, _sexual_. “ _Yes. Do it. Kill me_.” He was sincere then, real, dark pleasure running through his agonizing body. If death was the only version of love he could ever experience, then so be it. Of course, she didn't do it; there was too much Light in her. But she couldn't hide her darkness, dark impulses defining her as much as her pull towards the Light. She was a murderer too, just like him.

She had started it with the pilot, he realized. Of course, it all made sense: she had wanted to escape the truth, to escape him, and she was not as innocent as she looked. She had sex on her mind. Her eyes after she let go of him betrayed her weakness; her weakness for _him_ , not the Resistance pilot. The fool didn't even know about their bond. He was nothing. _You’re mine and you know it._ She didn't stop him from spilling the truth. She wanted to hear it. She'd been waiting to hear it. He saw it in her eyes: hunger for _him_. But she was still afraid. Of course she wouldn’t yield now; she was too stubborn. But he was getting there; the cracks in her soul were getting bigger.

He waited for the report to come, and when it finally came, he rushed triumphantly towards his Silencer.

* * *

The streets were filled with peace keepers and stormtroopers. Rey and Poe walked slowly, calmly, hoods of the kids’ robes hiding their heads, mingling with the crowd of happy nobodies. They had only walked for a minute when Poe heard a trooper shout a curfew order. Hundreds of passers-by around them froze, incredulous, then one of them shouted something back, laughing. He was shot dead an instant later and a heart-wrenching scream cut through the sudden silence; a woman's. Chaos ensued.

“Now. Run!” Poe whispered.

Everybody was running. Speeder engines were starting all around them. The woman was screaming again. In a flash, Rey saw herself in her place, Poe dead before her. She pulled him into the nearest alleyway, determined to do everything and anything to protect him.

“Pssst! Hey! Hey, you two! Climb in, hurry!”

A strange-looking, little fat man with a strong accent was gesturing for them to get into his speeder. When they didn't move, he pulled at a chain around his neck and the Resistance symbol appeared briefly before he hid it again under his robe.

“For Force’s sake, what are you waiting for? They’ll see you! Get in!”

Rey advanced towards him but Poe didn’t move.

“We have to separate.”

“What?”

“Go. Hide for a bit. Find a holocom. Contact Maz Kanata. Go!”

“No. No, you’re still too weak, what are you –”

“I’ll be all right.”

“No.”

“I’ll hide too, don’t worry for me. Rey…” He was trying to free himself from her but she held his hand in a vice.

“No!”

He then stepped very close to her, his face almost as close as when they’d been passionately kissing only a few minutes before.

“Rey.” He freed his hand at last and grabbed her head, his eyes intensely fixing her.

“We’ll both die if we don’t. Do you want that to happen? No? Good, cause I don’t either.”

Another scream. A man’s this time. New people running, some of them into their alleyway, passing them without a glance.

“I love you.” It came out like a sob, uncontrollably.

Poe didn’t say anything back. He just looked at her with sweet sadness, his hands still hugging her face.

“I’m not a child”, she said, reading his thoughts.

“Maybe.” He let go of her. “Now prove it to me.”

She couldn’t even reply. She watched helpless as he turned and ran away behind a panicked couple, disappearing into the night.


End file.
